Our Blog

Who Can Legally Serve Divorce Papers in California?

Divorce always has the potential to become an unexpectedly challenging journey due to unforeseen, difficult decisions and confusing procedures. A crucial early step in the process is ensuring that the divorce papers are properly served to your spouse.

It might seem pretty straightforward, but it carries significant legal weight and could alter the course of your divorce proceedings. If the papers aren't served correctly, it can lead to delays, additional costs, and even a dismissal of your case.

Here at Holstrom, Block & Parke, APLC, we have over 300 years of combined experience in family law, and we know the importance of following every procedural rule to the letter.

Our team has guided countless clients through the task of providing legal notice of divorce as efficiently as possible.

We'll go over who can legally serve divorce papers in California, the various methods of service available, and the importance of following protocol.

Who is Eligible to Serve Divorce Papers in California?

In California, the rules about who can serve divorce papers are quite specific. The individual must be at least 18 years old and not a party to the case.

This means that you, as one of the spouses involved in the divorce, cannot personally serve the papers to your partner.

The law is designed this way to prevent any potential conflicts or misunderstandings that might arise if one spouse directly hands the papers to the other.

To make sure the job is done legally and without a hitch, there are several options available for serving the papers.

Trusted Individuals

One of the most common and cost-effective options is to ask a trusted individual, such as a friend, family member, or acquaintance, to serve the papers on your behalf.

As long as this person meets the basic requirements—being at least 18 years old and not involved in the case—they can deliver the documents to your spouse.

While this might seem like the simplest option, it’s important to consider the potential for awkwardness or even conflict.

Presenting divorce papers can be an emotionally charged event, and involving a mutual friend or family member might further strain relationships. Before choosing this route, consider how your spouse might react and if it could complicate your situation.

County Sheriff or Marshal

If you prefer a more formal and reliable approach, you can opt to have the county sheriff or marshal serve the divorce papers.

The sheriff's office typically handles service of process for a fee, which varies by county.

This method adds a level of authority and professionalism to the service, reducing the potential for personal conflict.

Additionally, it’s a wise choice if you have concerns about the security of the person delivering the papers or if you think it would be challenging to find your spouse.

Professional Process Server

Hiring a professional process server may be the best choice when other options aren’t available or if you want to make sure that all the details are taken care of.

These individuals are well-versed in the legal requirements for serving divorce papers and can often complete the task quickly and efficiently.

Professional process servers are especially useful if your spouse is avoiding service or if you're concerned about their reaction to receiving the papers.

They know how to handle difficult situations and can provide proof of service that will hold up in court. While this option does come with a cost, the peace of mind it offers can be invaluable.

Methods of Service

Once you've decided who will serve the divorce papers, the next step is choosing the method of service. California law allows for several different approaches, each with its own set of rules and considerations.

Personal Service

Personal service is the most direct and common method of issuing divorce papers. It involves physically handing the documents to your spouse.

Once the papers are in their hands, the service is considered complete, and the clock starts ticking on the next steps in the divorce process.

Personal delivery is generally the fastest and most effective, as it leaves little room for disputes about whether the service was executed appropriately.

Personal service may not always be ideal, especially if there are safety concerns or if your spouse is intentionally avoiding you.

Service by Mail

Another option is to serve the papers by mail, which requires your spouse to sign and return a notice of receipt confirming that they got the documents.

Doing it this way is more convenient, but may not be suitable, particularly if your spouse is uncooperative.

It’s important to note that service by mail is not considered complete until the signed notice is returned. If your spouse fails to return the notice, you may need to pursue alternative methods of service.

Substituted Service

If personal service has been attempted but was unsuccessful, substituted service may be an option.

In this case, you'd leave the divorce papers with a responsible adult at your spouse's home or workplace and then mail them a copy at the same address.

Substituted service has specific requirements that must be met, such as making multiple attempts at personal service before resorting to this strategy.

It’s also important to ensure that the person receiving the papers on behalf of your spouse is indeed a responsible adult. Failure to follow these rules can result in the service being invalidated, causing delays in your case.

Service by Publication

In situations where your spouse’s whereabouts are unknown and all other methods of service have failed, service by publication may be your last ditch effort.

You would publish a notice of the divorce in a newspaper for a certain period, typically once a week for four consecutive weeks.

Service by publication requires court approval and is generally seen as a final option due to its complexity and cost.

Additionally, you’ll need to demonstrate to the court that you’ve made a diligent effort to locate your spouse before being granted permission to proceed with this method.

Proof of Service

After the divorce papers have been served, the next critical step is completing and filing a Proof of Service form with the court.

This document is essential because it officially notifies the court that the papers were served according to the law.

The Proof of Service form includes several key pieces of information:

  • The name of the person who served the papers
  • The date and time of service
  • The location where the papers were served
  • The method of service used

Filing the Proof of Service is not just a formality. Without it, the court may not proceed with your case, leading to delays and potentially even the dismissal of your divorce petition.

If there’s any doubt about whether the service was executed correctly, it’s best to consult with an experienced attorney to ensure everything is in order.

Ready to Take the Next Step in Your Divorce? Contact Holstrom, Block & Parke Today

Serving divorce papers is an important part of the legal process that sets the stage for everything that comes next.

At Holstrom, Block & Parke, APLC, we’re here to help you navigate every stage of your divorce, from the initial service of papers to the final settlement.

If you’re ready to move forward with your divorce or need guidance on serving papers correctly, call us today at (855) 939-9111 or visit our contact page to schedule a confidential consultation.

Let’s take the first step together in securing your future.

Divorce

What is Joint Custody in California and How is it Different from Sole Custody

Child custody can be one of the most emotionally charged aspects of divorce or separation. It touches on the heart of what it means to be a parent—the ability to guide and care for a child's life.

Parents in California need to understand the difference between joint and sole custody because it directly impacts their relationship with their child and their role in the child's upbringing.

Keep in mind,  the ultimate goal is to serve the child's best interests, something that the courts in California take very seriously.

At Holstrom, Block & Parke, APLC, we have over 300 years of combined experience securing custody arrangements that reflect children's needs and protect clients' parental rights.

What is Legal Custody?

Legal custody refers to the right and responsibility to make major decisions about a child's life. This includes decisions about education, healthcare, religious upbringing, and general welfare.

In California, the courts generally prefer to grant joint legal custody to both parents whenever possible, believing that a child benefits from having both parents involved in these critical decisions.

Joint Legal Custody

In a joint legal custody arrangement, both parents share the decision-making authority regarding their child's welfare.

This means that major decisions, such as which school the child will attend or what kind of medical treatment they will receive, require the agreement of both parents.

Cooperation and communication are key in joint legal custody, as both parents must work together to reach decisions that are in the child's best interest.

Examples of decisions that require mutual consent under joint legal custody include:

  • Healthcare and medical treatment: Choosing the child's primary doctor or consenting to surgeries.
  • Education and extracurricular activities: Deciding on schools, tutoring, or involvement in special programs.
  • Religious upbringing: Determining whether the child will follow a particular religious path or participate in religious ceremonies.

Joint legal custody can be challenging if parents have difficulty agreeing on these issues. Disagreements can lead to delays in important decisions, which is why having a well-drafted parenting plan is essential.

This plan should outline how decisions will be made, the areas of responsibility for each parent, and the consequences of non-compliance.

Sole Legal Custody

Sole legal custody, on the other hand, grants one parent the exclusive authority to make major decisions about the child's life. This arrangement is typically awarded in situations where joint decision-making is impractical or where one parent is deemed unfit due to reasons such as domestic violence, substance abuse, or mental health issues.

In cases of sole legal custody, the parent with custody can make decisions independently without needing to consult the other parent.

This can streamline the decision-making process, but it also means that the other parent has no legal say in these important aspects of the child's life, regardless of their physical custody arrangement.

What is Physical Custody?

Physical custody refers to where the child primarily lives and who is responsible for their day-to-day care. Like legal custody, physical custody can be either joint or sole, depending on what the court deems best for the child.

Joint Physical Custody

In a joint physical custody arrangement, the child spends a significant amount of time living with both parents. The goal of joint physical custody is to ensure that the child maintains a strong relationship with both parents, even though the parents are no longer together.

It's important to note that joint physical custody doesn't necessarily mean a 50/50 split in time. The child might spend slightly more time with one parent than the other, but as long as both parents have a substantial amount of time with the child (typically at least 35% of the time), it is considered joint physical custody under California law.

Joint physical custody allows for a variety of flexible arrangements tailored to fit the needs of the child and the parents.

For example, the child might live with one parent during the week and the other on weekends or alternate weeks between parents.

If parents are unable to agree on a schedule, the court may impose one, although the court's plan may not align with the preferences of either parent.

Sole Physical Custody

Sole physical custody means that the child lives with one parent, who is responsible for the day-to-day care.

The other parent, known as the non-custodial parent, may have visitation rights, which are often outlined in a court-ordered schedule.

In sole physical custody arrangements, the custodial parent has the majority of the physical time with the child.

The percentage of time the child spends with each parent is also a key factor in calculating child support obligations, with the parent who has the child for less time typically required to pay support to the other parent.

Key Differences Between Joint and Sole Custody

To understand the differences between joint and sole custody, it is helpful to compare different aspects of each one.

Aspect Joint Custody Sole Custody
Decision-Making Both parents share responsibility for major decisions affecting the child's life, requiring cooperation and communication. One parent has exclusive decision-making authority without input from the other parent.
Living Arrangements The child spends significant time with both parents, though not necessarily in an equal split. Flexible schedules are possible. The child primarily lives with one parent, with the other parent typically having scheduled visitation.
Parental Involvement Encourages active involvement from both parents in the child's life, fostering a balanced relationship. Can limit the involvement of the noncustodial parent.

As illustrated in the table, the type of custody arrangement can significantly impact decision-making, living arrangements, and the level of parental involvement in a child’s life.

Factors Considered by the Court

In California, the child's well-being is the court's primary concern when determining custody arrangements. Several factors are considered, including:

  • The Child's Age, Safety, Health, and General Welfare: Younger children may have different needs than older children, and the court will consider which parent is better able to meet these needs.
  • The Nature of Contact and Time Spent with Each Parent: The court evaluates how much time each parent has spent with the child and the quality of that contact.
  • The Child's Connection to Their Community and School: Stability in the child's environment is vital, and the court will consider how a custody arrangement might affect the child's schooling and social life.
  • Each Parent's Ability to Care for the Child: This includes the parent's physical and mental health, their ability to provide a safe and nurturing environment, and their willingness to support the child's relationship with the other parent.
  • Whether Either Parent Has an Ongoing Substance Abuse Disorder: The court takes substance abuse seriously and will consider whether it impacts the parent's ability to care for the child.
  • Whether Either Parent Has a History of Abuse: Any history of abuse against the child, the co-parent, or anyone in the co-parent's household is a critical factor that can sway the court's decision.

The Importance of Legal Counsel

Navigating child custody decisions can be one of the most challenging aspects of a divorce or separation. The outcome of these decisions can have a profound and lasting impact on both the child's well-being and the parent’s lives. That's why it's important to have experienced legal counsel to guide you through the process.

At Holstrom, Block & Parke, APLC, we are committed to helping you secure the best possible custody arrangement for your child.

Our team of Certified Family Law Specialists and associates understands the intricacies of California's custody laws. We can advocate for your rights while ensuring that your child's best interests are always at the forefront.

If you're facing a child custody issue in California, don't hesitate to reach out. Call us today at (855) 939-9111 or contact us online at https://hbplaw.com/contact/ to schedule a consultation.

Child Custody

Is A Car An Asset In A California Divorce?

In California, cars are often such an integral part of our lives that we don’t consider them ordinary property. They provide a lifeline for getting to work and accomplishing everything from grocery shopping to going out to dinner. They’re essential, like food and shelter. But in a climate where cars often remain in a well-preserved state, our cars retain aesthetic value and we can become emotionally attached to them. Luxury models and rare collectible vehicles can hold significant financial value as well.

So how are these vehicles with so much meaning treated in a California divorce? Are they marital property? Can your spouse keep the car even if you bought it before you were married? There are several factors to be considered before these questions can be answered. If keeping your vehicle is a high priority for you, make sure you work with an attorney who knows how to protect assets in divorce and also make sure your attorney knows how important it is to you.

Your Car is an Asset But it May Not Be a Marital Asset

No matter how much your car means to you and what you’ve been through together, unlike children and pets, cars are treated as ordinary property in a California divorce. That means they are subject to the same rules about assets and debts as other property such as your house or your 401k account.

The question is not whether your car is an asset but whether it is a marital asset. When something is a marital asset, it is owned jointly and equally by both spouses. When something is a separate asset, it is owned solely by one spouse, and that spouse keeps it in divorce. Marital property—also known as community property in California—is divided equally in divorce.

It is possible for an asset or debt to a hybrid of both separate and marital property. That means part of the value of that assets would be shared in divorce and part of the value would belong completely to one spouse.

How Can You Tell if Your Car is Community Property?

The general rule for classifying property in California is that when something is acquired before marriage it is separate property and when it is acquired during the marriage it is marital property. It doesn’t matter whose name is on the title or who bought it—if you obtained the car while you were married, the assumption is that it is marital property belonging jointly to both spouses. However, there are exceptions to this rule.

  1. If you received the car as part of an inheritance, the law considers it to be your separate property.
  2. If you bought the car with money you inherited or money earned before you were married, then the car could be separate property (if you kept the money separate)
  3. If you owned the car before you were married but you spent marital funds making payments or improvements, the car could be treated a marital property or hybrid property

The question of whether your car is marital property or separate property could be very complicated depending on the circumstances. If you believe your car should be separate property, if you can point to records tracing it to your separate funds, that will help establish the separate character of the property. For rare and valuable vehicles, it may be worth consulting a forensic accountant who can develop a strong record of the vehicle’s ownership history and upkeep.

What if You Owe Money on Your Car?

With the high price of even used vehicles, most of us are still making payments on our vehicles. Sometimes we owe more than the vehicle is worth because of damage, prior loans, depreciation, interest, and other factors. What happens then? Is the debt allocated equally or is one spouse responsible for it?

Just as with the value of the vehicle itself, the allocation of debt also comes down to primarily the issue of when the debt was incurred.

Written Agreements Can Change the Rules

The rules discussed so far regarding classification of marital property are the default rules under California law. Couples are free to create their own agreements that override these rules. A prenuptial or postnuptial agreement, for instance, might specify that a car is to remain separate property regardless of whether it is used and improved by both spouses. Or a couple can execute a transmutation agreement changing the vehicle from separate property to community property or vice versa.

Let Your Attorney Know if Keeping Your Car is a Priority

At Holstrom, Block & Parke, APLC, our experienced divorce attorneys work to ensure that our clients obtain the objectives that mean most to them in divorce. If your car is the one asset you can’t live without, make sure you let your attorney know, and explain what you might be willing to give up in exchange if the vehicle is marital property.

To discuss how to achieve your goals for property division and other issues in divorce, schedule a consultation with our attorneys today.

Divorce

Co-Parenting Is Hard—But There’s An App For That

Even when you have a parenting plan and custody arrangements that fit your schedule well, the process of coordinating parenting tasks and communicating about key issues in your child's life can be incredibly challenging. Whose turn is it to pick up from soccer practice? Did you sign the permission slip for the field trip? Do you have a receipt from the math tutor? Trying to keep details straight and resolve questions and conflicts can be a fulltime job all on its own.

Fortunately, there are some apps that can help with scheduling, financial, and communication issues, helping you avoid angry phone calls and children stranded on the soccer field. Incorporating an app into your routine can be particularly helpful when you want to avoid frequent communication with your ex or when you simply do not have time for a conversation.

Understanding Your Options

If you want to use an app to help with scheduling and communication between you and a child’s other parent, there are two primary types of apps that can help. Many companies have developed specialized apps designed specifically for managing custody schedules, structuring communication, documenting expenses, keeping track of schedule changes, and more. These apps typically charge a fee that runs between $8 and $14 per month, but a few are free.

The other type of app that parents often use to coordinate schedules and tasks are free calendar apps intended for general use. These programs lack some of the targeted features and do not help with certain issues such as controlling communication, but they can sometimes be easier to use, and if you don’t like an app, you have not invested any financial resources on it and can try something else immediately.

Apps Designed for Co-Parenting

In our experience working with parents during and after the divorce process, we have discussed many different tools to smooth coordination and minimize conflict between parents. Some of the highest rated and most popular options for co-parenting phone apps include:

Certain apps focus on only one aspect of co-parenting. For instance, Onward was developed primarily to help parents manage expenses and facilitate reimbursement. Or the app Custody Xchange is designed to develop and manage custody agreements. It can help create a schedule, build that into a written parenting plan, and calculate parenting time. Of course, an app cannot take into account all the factors that should go into choosing the right plan and it is no substitute for working with an experienced custody attorney, but it can help provide some suggestions and keep track of schedules once they have been established.

Other co-parenting apps can help with a wide array of tasks, but perhaps not with the same degree of precision. For instance, AppClose includes multifunction calendars that can track parenting time, provide a platform for communicating schedule requests, and export records. In addition to the calendar, the app includes a messaging function for secure communications that keeps records of conversations that cannot be altered. The app also includes tools for tracking expenses and requesting reimbursement. Other apps may offer slightly different features, but choosing the best option may come down to a preference in the style of interface.

General Calendar Apps

Parents who are already familiar with a particular general calendar app may prefer to use one of that app in conjunction with a co-parent. For instance, if both parents regularly use Google calendar and other apps, they should be able to sync schedules and set up notifications to automatically send a message when something is changed or added to the calendar. Other popular calendar apps include Microsoft Outlook, aCalendar, DigiCal, and Any.do, which also includes to-do lists that can help with co-parenting communication.

While calendar apps have the advantage of simplicity and familiarity, they cannot help with functions such as keeping track of expenses or structuring communication. General calendar apps seem to work best for parents who already have good communication habits and just need a better way to keep track of schedules. Parents who struggle to establish rules and boundaries seem to benefit more from the advanced features included in apps designed specifically for co-parenting.

Holstrom, Block & Parke, APLC Helps Parents Secure the Best Future for Their Children

Whether parents have recently separated or never lived together, the task of coordinating parenting duties often seems to pose fresh challenges each day. The team at Holstrom, Block & Parke, APLC has over 300 years of combined experience helping parents secure the best parenting plans for their children, but we know that it takes effort to keep those plans functioning. If you need help developing a parenting plan or enforcing terms, we invite you to schedule a confidential consultation.

 

Co-Parenting

Does A Father Have A Good Chance Of Getting 50/50 Custody In California?

Custody issues cause more anxiety and pain than almost anything a parent can face in life. The thought of losing time with your child and missing the daily milestones in growth that make childhood so special is a frightening thought.

People will freely share what they know about custody conflicts and resolutions, but it’s important to realize that some of that information is based on rumors that are likely untrue. Information circulating could also be based on old laws or on specific circumstances that do not apply in your case.

All decisions regarding custody are made on a case-by-case basis after evaluating all the applicable factors to determine what serves a child’s best interests. Every family is unique, so every custody determination is unique. There is no simple rule to apply to gauge the likelihood of gaining custody in California.

However, to improve your chances of gaining the custody arrangement you want, it helps to understand the factors that go into the determination and ensure that you inform your attorney about all the factors that weigh in your favor as well as negative issues that the other parent might bring up to use against you.

Understanding Custody

Before you can consider plans for gaining custody, it is important to understand which type of custody you’re looking at. Physical custody is what most people think of as custody. It covers the child’s living arrangements and time spent staying overnight with each parent.

Legal custody is addressed separately. When a parent has legal custody, they have the authority to make decisions about factors that affect the child’s upbringing, such as where they will go to school, which doctor they will see, and whether they will be raised with particular religious beliefs.

Either type of custody can be granted solely to one parent or shared between parents. For instance, parents might share legal custody and decision-making authority while one parent has primary physical custody and the child lives with that parent most of the time.

Joint Custody is not Necessarily Shared 50/50

Parents also need to understand that they can share physical custody without having an exact 50/50 split of parenting time. An attorney can help parents develop a schedule that aligns with their work schedules and the child’s school and activity schedules to create the most beneficial arrangements for the whole family.

Many times, a parent will fight to gain 50/50 custody only to face the reality that their schedule requires them to put the child in daycare for much of the time. Depending on work schedules and family dynamics, it might be better for that parent to have physical custody 35 or 40% of the time instead.

California Law Does Not Favor Mothers or Fathers

At one time, California courts, like those of most other states, tended to favor mothers in custody decisions. Mothers were seen as the natural caretakers of the child, so the assumption was that the child’s best interests would be best served by placing the child with the mother for the majority of the time.

Now the law specifically states that neither mothers nor fathers will be favored in custody decisions. However, the presumption in favor of granting custody to a caretaker still applies.

Parental Roles Matter in Custody Decisions

A father who wants to obtain 50/50 custody in California needs to be sure to have evidence of involvement in the child’s life, including an active role as a daily caretaker. If the father is the one to make breakfast in the morning or read bedtime stories at night, it is important for the court to know this.

The reason a court might share custody 50/50 is not to give the parents equal time with their child but to give the child equal time with parents who provide nurturing support. If one parent works long days and doesn’t make the effort to attend a child’s school events or spend time communicating with and doing things with the child, that parent is less likely to be awarded physical custody than a parent who comes to every soccer game and spends the weekends making smiley-faced pancakes and hosting teddy bear tea parties.

If you are a parent seeking custody, take time to write down the activities you engage in regularly with your child. Search through your phone to find photos of the school band concert or art show. Create a file of evidence showing the ways you support your child so you can demonstrate that it is in your child’s best interests for them to spend as much time with you as possible.

For Help Gaining the Right Custody Arrangements, Rely on Holstrom, Block & Parke

It is impossible to assess the chances of father—or a mother—gaining custody without knowing the details of the situation. It is also impossible for the judge to make the best decision if the court is not given full information about each parent’s situation.

When you work with the Certified Family Law Specialists and associates at Holstrom, Block & Parke, APLC, we ensure that all the factors that weigh in your favor are presented persuasively to demonstrate why your custody goals serve your child’s best interests. For a confidential consultation to discuss custody in your situation, contact our team today.

 

Uncategorized

Why Custody Cases End Up In Court

A courtroom is one of the most difficult places to establish terms for parenting a child. When custody decisions must be made in court, it will be impossible for the judge to take into account all the nuances of the child’s relationship with each parent or understand scheduling details that can make all the difference for busy families. The plans for decision-making and living arrangements will be impersonal because there simply is not time for judges to sit down and learn every facet of your family dynamics.

Decisions made in the courtroom are not only less tailored than plans developed through negotiation or mediation, but the process of reaching the decisions is often much more lengthy, contentious, and expensive. Despite all the incentives for parents to work with their attorneys to establish custody plans out of court, many custody disagreements between parents continue until resolved through a full trial. Why is that? And what can you do to avoid this less-than-ideal outcome? With over 300 years of combined experience handling custody and other hotly-contested family law issues, the team at Holstrom, Block & Parke, APLC, presents some factors to consider.

Emotions Run High

When parents separate, they are often terrified at the prospect of being pushed out of their children’s lives and missing the opportunities to connect with them as they grow. Any time apart can suddenly seem like too much. And in their emotional anguish, parents often tend to put their own emotional needs ahead of those of their children. Human nature is hard to overcome, and human beings have a natural instinct favoring self-preservation.

For this reason, parents often want to dig in and fight for every possible moment of parenting time they can get from a custody schedule—even if their work schedule would make it impossible for them to actually spend all that parenting time with the child. They fight because they can’t stand the thought of losing.

Inflammatory Legal Tactics

Another reason custody cases often end up in court is that many times when parents say they want to fight for custody, their attorneys are only too ready to lead the attack. Attorneys can get swept up in the drama, attack the other parent’s choices and actions to make their client look good by comparison, and trigger emotional reactions that rebound destructively back and forth, generating legal fees but not resolving any outstanding issues. Many attorneys have yet to learn that advocacy does not require animosity, and that these inflammatory tactics are counter-productive. Moreover, these emotionally reactive actions destroy family relationships that the child will need as life moves forward.

It is possible to achieve custody objectives through strategic use of discovery and negotiation, achieving parenting time in a practical schedule that is custom tailored for the lives of both parents as well as the child. But you need to take a reasoned approach rather than an irrationally emotional one to succeed outside of court, and many attorneys lack the discipline to stay focused on their clients’ goals.

For Some Parents, Custody is About Money

Custody issues not only trigger emotional responses but they also hit another sensitive issue: money. The more parenting time allocated to a parent, the less their child support obligations will be. This situation also causes some parents to refuse to negotiate when it comes to custody. They view the fight as a battle for their financial security.

One Parent May Be Abusive or Narcissistic

Sometimes parents want the judge to make all the decisions in court because they do not even want to attempt to negotiate with the other parent. If one parent tends to be a bully or has a history of abusive behavior, it is only natural to want to avoid contact. However, attorneys can often negotiate resolutions without the need for parents to interact directly.

One parent may be convinced that the other poses a danger to the child, and they don’t want that parent to have any custody or unsupervised visitation. Since it’s unlikely that the other parent will voluntarily accept this, taking the matter to court may be the eventual outcome. However, when faced with overwhelming evidence of past wrongdoing, parents are sometimes reasonable, and may agree to accept an arrangement with supervised visitation to avoid the risk that a judge might deny visitation entirely. The bottom line is that if you want to avoid the conflict, drama, expense and delays of a trial, it is worth at least attempting to negotiate with the assistance of an effective family law attorney.

Holstrom, Block & Parke, APLC Advocates Effectively for Custody Goals In and Out of Court

Knowing why so many custody cases end up in court can help you avoid the anxiety and uncertainty of taking custody decisions to the judge for decision. If you can negotiate even part of a parenting plan, that can help secure the right arrangements for the future and help reduce some of the negative aspects of a trial situation.

The team at Holstrom, Block & Parke understands how to achieve goals for clients through all types of methods, from mediation and negotiation through court trials and appeals. For a confidential consultation to learn how we could assist with a custody matter, schedule an appointment today.

Child Custody

How Do You Bring Up The Subject Of Divorce?

Even if you know you’re both thinking about it, and even if you’ve discussed it in the past, when you are finally ready to put an end to your marriage, it can seem incredibly difficult to find the right words. And then there’s the issue of finding the right time and place, as well.

With over 300 years of collective experience handling divorce cases, the team at Holstrom, Block & Parke, APLC, has seen a wide variety of approaches when it comes to starting the divorce conversation. What works well for one couple may not be the best idea for another, but here are some ideas and factors to consider as you prepare.

Choose a Time and Place Where You Can Focus

Planning to bring up the subject of divorce is a little like planning a surprise party. Even if the sense of anticipation is one of dread rather than joy, you still need to choose the right time and place to spring the surprise. Instead of picking a time when the most people of guests can come, you need a time when the two of you will be alone for long enough to hold a serious discussion. You need a quiet place where you feel safe and comfortable. If you regularly watch TV in the evenings to wind down, this might be a good time, as long as it is not so late that one or both of you are so tired that you can’t think straight. Turn off the TV and put away cell phones to avoid distractions.

If you have kids, you might want to choose an afternoon when you can have a family member or friend watch the kids so that you don’t have to worry about being interrupted. And if you are concerned that your spouse could react violently, make sure you have a plan for your own safety.

Practice Focusing on “I” Instead of “You” When it Comes to Blame

Your conversation needs to be even and rational, to the greatest extent possible. One way to sabotage rationality in a conversation is to introduce blame, and it can happen before you’re even aware of it. You can prevent yourself from being swept into the blame game by making your statements selfish, believe it or not.

Focus on yourself and how you feel. “I don’t like it when you criticize me in front of the kids” is much easier to accept than “you always criticize me in front of the kids,” which sounds like an accusation. Try practicing a few phrases, such as “I get worried when you spend so much money” or “I feel like we’re not equal partners when you disregard my opinions.”

Write Down the Reasons that You Want to End the Marriage

It is natural for a spouse to ask “why” when the other spouse says they want to get a divorce. Even if they know the reasons, they still need to hear it. And that means you need to be prepared. You may have a million reasons that you no longer want to be married, but if you are not prepared to articulate those reasons, you will not be able to give your spouse a satisfactory answer. You both deserve that answer. So write down your reasons, and choose the ones that seem most important and permanent.

You might also write down some things you believe your spouse is unhappy with. If your spouse does not want a divorce, pointing out the issues that make them unhappy in the marriage can help them to agree with the need to end the marriage.

Put Yourself in Your Spouse’s Shoes and Practice What You Want to Say

Try to imagine if you were in your spouse’s position, and consider how you would want to hear the message. Focus on how you can both rebuild better lives going forward. You can write out a speech or just jot down a few words, and then practice delivering your message to the mirror, your phone, or a friend. It doesn’t have to be perfect—in fact, you don’t want to look rehearsed. But you want to feel confident delivering your message, and preparation and practice are the best ways to gain that confidence.

Your Attorney Can Help with Specific Tips to Prepare and Protect Yourself as You Approach Divorce

Divorce is hard, so don’t be afraid to ask for help. When you work with the experienced divorce attorneys at Holstrom, Block & Parke, APLC, our team can share wisdom gained from experience handling all aspects of divorce. We can provide suggestions and guidance, particularly if you are dealing with a controlling, narcissistic spouse or a partner who might try to hide assets or make your life difficult in other ways. To talk to us about the ways we can assist, call 855-426-9111 or contact us online to schedule a confidential consultation.

Divorce

Reasons A Judge Will Change Custody California

Judges work hard to ensure that custody determinations they create or approve truly serve a child’s best interests. For that reason, you usually need to show that circumstances have altered in some way if you want the court to change an existing custody arrangement in California. In some cases, however, an amendment in custody can be justified even if there is not a change in circumstances when you can demonstrate that a custody arrangement was based on incorrect assumptions or that it simply is not serving a child’s best needs.

It is important to remember that focus on custody decisions is on what is best for the child, but a skilled attorney can often show how a parent’s goals align with the child’s needs. Judges can amend custody in California for a variety of reasons, but here are some of the most common.

The Child’s Needs Have Changed

A custody arrangement that met the child’s needs at one point in time may be much less effective at meeting those needs as the child matures. If a child has special educational needs, for instance, one parent might have time or training to help address those needs, or one parent might live near a school with a special program that can keep the child’s educational progress on track.

Changes in the needs of the child might involve medical issues that one parent is better equipped to cope with. Or if the existing custody plan puts the child with one parent the majority of the time, the child may need a plan that allows more time with the other parent. Every child has unique needs, and people’s needs tend to change over time, so it is not surprising that changes in a child’s needs could necessitate an alteration in custody plans.

A Parent’s Ability to Provide Care Has Changed

Different work schedules and changes in job responsibilities can cut into the time one parent may have available to provide care, so this is frequently a reason judges approve a change in custody. A parent’s ability to serve as a responsible caregiver may also have been negatively impacted in some way. Sadly, mental illness or substance abuse could render a parent unable to provide appropriate care and supervision. When there is evidence that a parent has abused or neglected a child, custody can be changed very quickly, at least on a temporary basis.

One Parent Wants to Relocate

When a parent wants to move to another state or a different region of California, that impacts the child’s life substantially. It can become nearly impossible to continue with an existing custody arrangement. The court cannot prevent a parent from relocating, but a judge can stop the parent from moving the child out of an environment that they are comfortable with if the judge finds that the child’s best interests would be best served by keeping the child in that environment in the sole custody of the other parent.

Relocation is one of the most common reasons courts are asked to change custody.

Parental Alienation

If a parent is trying to damage or destroy a child’s relationship with the other parent, this is known as parental alienation. When there is evidence that a parent is engaging in these tactics, courts can change custody arrangements to preserve the child’s relationship with the other parent. Sometimes, allegations of alienation turn out to be unfounded, and efforts taken to remedy the problem have been out of proportion and potentially harmful to the child. Parental alienation remains a controversial issue.

Both Parents Ask the Court for Changes

Quite often, parents develop a new plan for custody that they believe best serves their needs. It is necessary to receive court approval before changing custody arrangements, so it is a good idea to have an attorney review the plan to ensure that it meets legal requirements and is likely to meet with approval. If parents want to make changes but they are having difficulty negotiating arrangements on their own, an attorney can serve as a mediator or each parent could engage an attorney to negotiate on their behalf.

Holstrom, Block & Parke, APLC Can Help You Develop the Right Custody Arrangements

Whether you are establishing custody plans for the first time or want to modify plans that have been in place for a while, guidance and assistance from an experienced attorney can make the process smoother and enable you to achieve the results that work best for your child and for you. At Holstrom, Block & Parke, APLC, our Certified Family Law Specialists and associates know a variety of strategies to help you meet your goals for custody. Contact our team today to learn more about the ways we can help.  

Child Custody

10 Truths About Custody And Visitation For California Dads

Dads facing divorce or those who have never been married are often uncertain about their custody and visitation rights, and there is a lot of misinformation out there to contend with. The best way to protect your parental rights in a difficult situation is to work with an attorney who is experienced in helping fathers obtain and maintain custody. Your attorney can advise you about steps to take—and what to avoid—to give yourself the best opportunity to obtain the custody and visitation arrangements you want.

Courts make decisions based on the individual facts of each case, so the “rules” for custody are not cut and dried. However, with over 300 years of collective experience handling custody cases and related issues, the team at Holstrom, Block & Parke, APLC has observed ten truths about custody and visitation that often take dads in California by surprise.

1. The Child’s Best Interests are the Key Issue

Parents often focus on gaining a fair and reasonable amount of time to spend with their children. While this self-centered approach is natural, it won’t help you gain the custody or visitation plan that you want because legally speaking, your desires are irrelevant. What matters is the best interests of your child. When your attorney can demonstrate how your goals serve your child’s best interests, you are in a much better position to achieve those goals.

2. Legal and Physical Custody are Decided Separately

Legal and physical custody are different issues and plans for these types of custody are settled independently. Legal custody involves authority to make decisions about a child’s education, medical care, and other aspects of upbringing. By contrast, physical custody determines where the child lives. It is quite common for parents to share legal custody even if only one parent holds physical custody.

3. Gender is Irrelevant but Parenting Roles Matter

Courts do not favor either mothers or fathers in custody decisions. However, courts will look at how each parent interacts with the child, and the degree to which they engage in parenting duties such as getting  a child ready for school or putting them to bed. To avoid disrupting the child’s life too much, the court may be inclined to favor a parent that spends significantly more time in caretaking duties.

4. Joint Physical Custody Can Involve Unequal Amounts of Time

Parents can share physical custody of a child without necessarily dividing parenting time in an even 50/50 split. The law requires parents who share physical custody to each spend a “significant” period of time with the child.

5. Parents Can Create Their Own Plans for Custody

Parents do not have to rely on a judge to come up with a plan for parenting time but can create their own plan to submit for approval. In fact, parents are encouraged to develop their own plans and if they are reasonable and protect the child’s best interests, the court is likely to approve.

6. Bad Behavior Can Be Used Against You

If you have a history of threatening violent behavior, ignoring schedules, interfering with the other parent’s relationship with the child, alcohol abuse, or any conduct that could harm your child’s health or wellbeing, those factors will make it harder for you to gain custody. Even the visitation time that you are granted may be subject to supervision.

7. Custody Impacts Child Support Obligations

Your schedule for custody and visitation will be calculated into a custodial timeshare to be used to help calculate child support obligations. The more time you spend with your child, the less you are expected to pay or the more you could be eligible to receive.

8. Biological Relationship is Not Required for Custody

Although biological parents often have an easier time gaining custody, others who have served in a parental role may also have standing to ask the court for custody, including grandparents, stepparents, partners of deceased parents, aunts, uncles, and others. So if a child’s mother has passed away, the father should not assume that he will automatically receive custody.

9. A Parent with Custody Needs Permission to Move the Child More Than 50 Miles Away

Even when one parent has sole physical and legal custody, they cannot move a child more than 50 miles away without obtaining approval from the court or from the other parent. Relocation of a custodial parent often provides grounds for courts to switch custody.

10. Final Custody is Never Really Final

Custody determinations are supposed to meet a child’s best needs, and arrangements that meet those needs may change over time. When there has been a significant change in circumstances, a parent may ask the court to modify custody and visitation orders.

Holstrom, Block & Parke, APLC Can Help You Gain the Right Custody and Visitation Arrangements

While custody orders can be modified, you must show that something has changed to justify the modification. That means it is important to invest the time and effort into obtaining the right custody arrangements at the very beginning, and advocacy and guidance from an experienced attorney can make that happen. Contact the Certified Family Law Specialists at Holstrom, Block & Park, APLC today to learn how we can help you reach your custody goals.

Child Custody

How Can You Prove Parental Alienation in California?

Parental alienation is a hot topic in custody cases in California, and for that reason it has become a double-edged sword. When one parent can prove that the other parent is using parental alienation tactics to destroy the relationship between parent and child, the court will often penalize the alienating parent, and may take custody away from them. However, when a parent raises allegations of parental alienation and the court believes the accusations are false, that backfires, and the parent who made accusations of parental alienation will be the one facing negative consequences.

So how do you recognize when parental alienation is occurring? And how can you prove parental alienation to the court’s satisfaction? It is very helpful to consult an attorney who is experienced in parental alienation situations. Every situation has unique factors, but here are some general issues to keep in mind when trying to prove parental alienation is or is not occurring.

What is Parental Alienation?

Parental alienation involves one parent’s attempts to damage a child’s relationship with the other parent. This can involve a variety of tactics, some much more subtle than others.

When parental alienation tactics continue over time, a child can become afraid of the targeted parent and unwilling to spend time with that parent. They may not want to even have contact with that parent.

Because parental alienation can be so damaging, courts take allegations of parental alienation very seriously. But because accusations are sometimes made falsely to gain an unfair advantage in a custody battle, it is important to have evidence to back up any accusations you make.

Recognizing Parental Alienation

Children can become unwilling to see or talk to a parent for a variety of reasons, so it is important to understand that every instance of alienation is not necessarily the fault of the other parent. A situation is considered parental alienation when one parent intentionally displays negativity toward the other parent to poison the child’s relationship with that parent. If a child is avoiding a parent who has been abusive to them, that is understandable. But if they are avoiding a parent who has only displayed loving behavior, then it is time to start wondering why.

Signs that a child is being affected by parental alienation tactics include:

  • They express intense hatred toward the targeted parent and refuse to acknowledge anything good about them.
  • They repeat negative statements about the targeted parent that they do not know from first hand knowledge but have been told by the alienating parent.
  • They vehemently refuse to talk to or visit the targeted parent and feel no guilt about it.
  • They frequently repeat language from the alienating parent like a parrot.

Very often, it is the intensity of anger and hatred displayed against a parent that reveals that a child is being taught to hate, and that their behavior is not just part of the normal emotional cycle that occurs when a child’s parents split up.

Proving How One Parent is Acting to Alienate a Child from the Other Parent

Constant negative talk about the targeted parent is probably the most common method used to alienate a child. The alienating parent may tell the child that the targeted parent broke up the marriage, that the targeted parent doesn’t love them, and that they are not safe with the targeted parent. They might falsely accuse the targeted parent of using drugs or drinking too much.

An alienating parent might also take steps to keep the targeted parent away from the child by refusing to comply with visitation schedules, not giving the targeted parent information about the child’s activities, refusing to let the child talk to the targeted parent, and making the child feel guilty about spending time with the targeted parent. The alienating parent might even try to erase the targeted parent from the child’s life by destroying presents from that parent and removing pictures of that parent.

To prove that these actions are happening, you need evidence. It is a good idea to keep copies of communications such as texts and emails to see the pattern of communication. You might look for witnesses who have heard the alienating parent saying false or negative statements about you. Document instances where you were denied the opportunity to see or communicate with your child. Check social media and make copies of any negative posts directed at you. You might also get a therapist to testify about changes in your child’s behavior.

Holstrom, Block & Parke, APLC Can Help if Parental Alienation is an Issue

Whether you are concerned that parental alienation tactics are being used against you or the other parent is accusing you of using parental alienation against them, you need to act to protect your parental rights and your relationship with your child. The dedicated team at Holstrom, Block & Parke, APLC, can put over 300 years of collective experience to work to help you secure your relationship and parental rights. Call 855-426-9111 or contact us online to schedule a confidential consultation to learn how we can protect you in this delicate situation.

News

Professional Legal Help

Our attorneys are waiting to help you

Call Now (855) 827-6639

Our Locations

Corona
1897 California Ave., Ste. 102
Corona, CA 92881

Newport Beach
4940 Campus Dr., Ste. A
Newport Beach, CA 92660

Temecula Valley*
40810 County Center Drive, Ste. 150
Temecula, CA 92591

Riverside*
3780 12th Street
Riverside, CA 92501

Vista*
380 S. Melrose Dr., Ste. 347
Vista, CA 92083

San Diego
3110 Camino Del Rio S., Ste. 308
San Diego, CA 92108

Riverside — Sandoval Legacy Group
4300 Latham Street
Riverside, CA 92501

Los Angeles*
500 N. Brand Blvd., Suite 2000
Glendale, CA 91203

*We do not receive postal correspondence at this address. Please send any desired material to our Corona office for review and distribution.

Name(Required)
Consent(Required)

logo
FB
twitter
instagram
youtube
linkedin

© Holstrom, Block & Parke, A Professional Law Corporation. All Rights Reserved

Privacy Policy | Terms of Use

Practice Areas

Divorce
Child Custody
Child Support
High Asset Divorce
Family Law
Mediation & Collaborative Divorce
Domestic Violence
Estate Planning & Probate
Wills & Trusts
Appellate Law

Quick Links

Our Attorneys
Webinars
Blog
Reviews
Video Center
Careers
Contact

Our Locations

All Locations
Corona
Newport Beach
Temecula Valley
Riverside
San Diego
Vista

The information on this website is for general information purposes only. Nothing on this site should be taken as legal advice for any individual case or situation. This information is not intended to create, and receipt or viewing does not constitute, an attorney-client relationship.