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Tips For Dealing with a Difficult Ex-Spouse in California

With over 300 years of collective experience helping clients through the divorce process, we have seen our fair share of spouses who are hard to deal with. We have mastered certain techniques for encouraging these spouses to cooperate during the divorce process, but once the divorce is finalized, former partners often still need to deal with each other, particularly when they have children together.

So, what can you do if a spouse refuses to get a new mortgage for a house they are supposed to take over, or if they fail to make alimony payments or ignore the parenting plan? We help clients with both informal and formal legal means of resolving these difficulties. Here are some suggestions that can help with trying to work with a difficult former spouse in California.

Assess the Problems

Before developing effective strategies to address the problems, you need to accurately understand what the problems are. In many cases, communication is a major challenge. Some difficult spouses turn every conversation—verbal or written—into a fight. Some drag up irrelevant issues and make communications confusing and unproductive. Some former spouses will avoid communication altogether, refusing to answer texts, emails, or phone calls. Communication is almost always an issue to be addressed for divorced couples.

But there are often other difficulties as well. Your ex-spouse may be promising to do the right things but failing to follow through. Your former partner may be trying to blame you—or worse—your children—for everything that is wrong in their life. Work to pinpoint the problems so that you can address them individually.

Keep Records

Regardless of the type of problems, keeping records can be helpful for a variety of reasons. Save emails, text messages, and other communications, even if they go unanswered. Saving them in a format that automatically records the date and time is the most helpful.

The record of the problem can help a professional such as a therapist enable you to analyze patterns, isolate problems, and develop strategies to overcome the difficulties. If a problem may eventually require legal action, such as asking the court to change a parenting plan or enforce an order regarding property division, then having a record of communications and actions can help justify your request.

Keeping records can also provide at least some sense of satisfaction because you are doing something to take control and address the problem.

Take Steps to Set Boundaries

Problems often stem from out-of-control anger and resentment. While you can’t prevent your former spouse from being angry, you can limit their ability to express that anger to you. The following measures often prove helpful in limiting negative interactions:

  • Try to communicate by phone, text, or email. Face-to-face interactions are harder to limit. During conversations in person, be conscious of your body language and make certain it is not negative.
  • Write out a script of what you want to cover in the conversation. This doesn’t need to be word-for-word but can just be a few bullet points of the issues you need to cover. If you can keep communication focused on specific issues, that makes it easier to avoid going off the rails.
  • Find something you can agree with in what your former partner is saying. Even if you disagree with 99% of what’s been said, mentioning the 1% you agree with can make it easier for your former spouse to accept the other things you have to say.
  • Try to establish a regular communication schedule if you need to work together regularly. For instance, you might have a phone conversation every Monday night to discuss the kids’ schedules and other issues that should be addressed sooner rather than later. If your former spouse calls at another time when you don’t want to talk, you can say that you’re busy now but will talk about it on Monday.
  • Avoid being drawn into conflict. When your former spouse says something outrageous to make you angry, refuse to take the bait. Disengage instead. (While this can be extremely difficult, it is also extremely effective.)

Talk to Your Attorney to See if Legal Action is Necessary

If your former spouse is behind on alimony or child support payments, hasn’t followed through with property division tasks, or is failing to comply with custody arrangements, you may need to take legal action to obtain compliance. Talk to your attorney before the situation becomes desperate. Sometimes, receiving a phone call or letter from an attorney is enough to get a spouse to comply with obligations. Other times, you may need to go to court and seek a contempt order or a new order to adjust arrangements. An experienced family law attorney can explain your options and help you get the relief and respect you deserve.

At Holstrom, Block & Parke, APLC, we work to prevent problems all throughout the divorce process, but we know sometimes the problems don’t arise until after the divorce is final. We are ready to help enforce your rights through informal negotiation or formal court action. For a confidential discussion about assistance after your divorce, schedule a consultation with our Certified Family Law Specialists and associates today.

 

After Divorce / Divorce

When Does Child Support Begin After Divorce?

If you are planning to get divorced and you have children, you know that child support is likely to be a part of your future. Even when parents share physical custody 50/50, the parent that earns more money will probably need to make payments to the parent who earns less in order to maintain the child’s standard of living.

But when does the obligation to pay support begin? If you need support payments to provide a home for your child, when will you start getting money?

Child support is one of the first issues you should discuss with your divorce attorney if you have children under the age of 18. At Holstrom, Block & Parke, APLC, our Certified Family Law Specialists and associates help clients secure the right arrangements for child support, including modifying orders and enforcing obligations when necessary. Here we explain some of the basic guidelines for initiating child support and when courts may deviate from those terms.

Support Obligations Exist from the Day a Child is Born

One crucial feature to understand about California law is that both parents are obligated to support their child financially regardless of whether they are married. The duty to support a child belongs equally to both parents.

However, when one parent has custody of a child, there is an assumption that they are expending money in the child’s care. The parent who spends less time with the child may be expected to pay support to the parent who is with the child more, but support obligations take income into consideration as well as time spent with the child, so it is possible for a parent with a smaller amount of parenting time to still require financial assistance from the other parent to help support the child during the time that child is with them.

Temporary Support Can Be Ordered While a Divorce is in Progress

One spouse can ask the court for temporary child support to help meet needs during the months while divorce terms are being resolved. The support order takes effect after the court holds a hearing on the issue, but the judge can order payments to be made retroactively back to the date the request for support was filed.

Usually, a parent files a support, has a copy served on the other parent, and then that parent has nine days to respond. After that, a hearing is scheduled for the court to determine temporary support obligations.

Even if there is not a divorce case in progress, one parent can request temporary support in an emergency situation, such as if the parent takes the child out of the home to escape an abusive situation. If parents are not married, it may be necessary to legally establish parentage before support obligations can be ordered.

Parents Can Develop Their Own Plan

Regardless of whether a temporary support order is in place, parents are free to come up with their own plan for child support. However, before approving the plan, the judge is still likely to want to know what the amounts would be if calculated under the state formulas. This is referred to as the guideline amount. If the proposed agreement deviates substantially below guideline amounts, parents will need to be prepared to show justification and plans to ensure that the child’s needs will be met. For instance, the parent paying support may also be undertaking numerous other obligations on the child’s behalf or may have set up a trust fund to provide ongoing support. Overall, the agreement must serve the best interests of the child, not the parents.

Long-Term Child Support

The final divorce decree will contain a permanent support order which may be the same as the temporary order or could differ substantially. While this is referred to as a permanent order, the obligation to provide support terminates when a child turns 18 if they have graduated high school, or when  they graduate or reach the age of 19.

Permanent support orders can also be modified if one parent presents evidence of a change in circumstances that justifies amending the order.

Holstrom, Block & Parke Helps Parents Establish the Right Support Orders

Child support can be a complicated subject, and if parents do not follow the rules, they can suffer severe financial consequences. The team at Holstrom, Block & Parke, APLC has 300+ collective years of experience helping parents gain the support terms that best meet the needs of the family. Schedule a consultation today to learn how we can help you ensure that all the factors that weigh in your favor are given full consideration in child support determinations.

After Divorce

Parental Rights in California Divorce and Custody Cases

When it comes to divorces in California, understanding your rights as a parent can be crucial for the well-being of your children. Whether you’re a natural parent, adoptive parent, or stepparent, it’s important to know what California law says about your role and responsibilities so you can be prepared to protect your rights.

Assistance from an experienced attorney can prove tremendously valuable when you are trying to understand and protect your rights, and the team at Holstrom, Block & Parke APLC offers more than 300 years of combined experience to help you reach your goals in divorce and custody cases. While every situation is different, we can explore some key considerations that apply generally in California.

Your Right to Fair Custody Determinations

In the Golden State, when parents decide to part ways, the court places a paramount focus on what will serve the best interests of the child or children involved. This foundational principle ensures that the playing field is level when it comes to pursuing custody.

The child’s best interests guide determinations of both physical and legal custody. Physical custody refers to where the child lives while legal custody involves the right to make decisions about the child’s health, education, and welfare.

The court's evaluation process is comprehensive, taking into account a range of critical factors including:

  1. The Child's Age: The developmental needs of a toddler differ vastly from those of a teenager. The court considers the child’s age to ensure the most stable environment possible.
  2. Child's Health: If there are specific health concerns or needs, the court evaluates which parent is better equipped to handle those requirements.
  3. Emotional Bonds: The emotional connection between the child and each parent plays a vital role. Strong bonds can indicate which home might be more emotionally nurturing.
  4. Parental Capabilities: It's not just about wanting to be there; it's about the capacity to provide. This includes emotional, physical, and financial stability.
  5. The Child’s Established Routine: Disruptions can be hard on children. The court looks at the child's connections to school, extracurricular activities, community, and even friendships.

In addition, if the child is at least 14-years-old, the court may consider the child’s preferences when it comes to custody determinations.

The Importance of Being Actively Involved

You've likely heard that "actions speak louder than words," and in the realm of custody battles, this adage rings especially true. In California, the courts place significant emphasis on a parent's active involvement in a child’s life. Consistent involvement isn't just about showing up for the big moments, but also the everyday routines, from bedtime stories to homework assistance, from attending parent-teacher conferences to being there for soccer practices. It’s these moments that paint a picture of commitment.

This consideration transcends gender stereotypes. In the eyes of the court, both mothers and fathers stand on equal ground. Securing primary or joint custody requires demonstration of dedication, consistency, and the capacity to cater to your child's holistic needs. We can help prepare evidence to prove your unwavering commitment and this can significantly influence the court’s decision in your favor.

California’s Preference for Joint Custody

While each case is unique, California tends to lean towards joint custody arrangements whenever possible. This allows children to benefit from the influence and care of both parents.

However, if there are issues such as domestic violence, substance abuse, or any other factors that might harm the child, the court will consider these seriously and might award sole custody to one parent.

Stepparents need to be aware that if they have not adopted a stepchild, they may have no rights to custody or visitation.

Mediation Can Be Your Friend

California courts often recommend mediation for parents who struggle to agree on custody arrangements. Mediation provides a neutral space to discuss and come to an agreement that’s in the best interest of the child as well as one that may fit parents’ needs better than an arbitrary arrangement issued by the court.

Our team at Holstrom, Block & Parke, APLC can provide insight and support throughout this process to help you achieve arrangements that work for your family.

Child Support

Both parents are obligated to support their child financially. The amount of child support is determined by California guidelines, considering factors like income, the amount of time the child spends with each parent, and other relevant factors.

A stepparent who has not adopted a child will not be obligated to provide child support after a divorce.

Stay Informed and Protected with Holstrom, Block & Parke, APLC

Understanding your parental rights in a divorce or custody case in California is vital for the best outcome for both you and your child. If you have concerns about your parental rights, don’t hesitate to reach out to us for guidance.

We can help negotiate arrangements that suit your needs as well as the needs of your family.  Call Holstrom, Block & Parke, APLC today at 855-426-9111 or visit our website at https://hbplaw.com/ to schedule your confidential consultation.

After Divorce

Understanding and Preparing for a Move-Away Case

A Move Away case is one where a parent seeks to relocate to some other geographic area with a child they share with a parent who will remain local. Recently, there has been a dramatic increase in requests for consultations and representation in move-away cases. Some of the requests are due to the simple desire to leave California and reside in another state. Others have job opportunities in another state, or would like to be closer to family. We’ve also received requests from parents who would like to oppose the move-away request by the other parent. Whatever the case may be, understanding the intricacies and legalities of move-away cases is paramount to prevailing in such a case and often that is concurrently doing what is best for the child.

What is a move-away case?

A move-away is a particular type of custody case where two parents have a dispute or disagreement about what's going to happen with their kid(s) when either parent is going to relocate and there is an existing custodial arrangement. For example, they've got a schedule, maybe the parties have been separated for a couple years, or even a few months, but they have an existing de facto or status quo custodial relationship. The arrangement, or custodial relationship, could be 50/50, it could be 80/20. Or it may not be a percentage of time, but something like a set number of days during the week, and alternating weekends. When the kids are typically younger in age it is optimal, from a psychological developmental perspective, for a shared arrangement to grant more time to the parent who has more capability to be home and care for them (if such a circumstance exists).

Whatever the very legitimate and appropriate reason for the existing arrangements, whether by court order or not, the court will make a decision, or the parties have made a decision, that the existing arrangement is in the best interest of the child. A move-away case is a significant undertaking that happens with some frequency--And that frequency is increasing with today’s societal mobility, economic uncertainty, the ability to find more “virtual” employment opportunities, new relationships being formed from long distance, and ever changing migration patterns.

There is an abundance of law from the state of California, that relates to how the court should handle these cases, so that they're handled consistently the same. Yet the tactics and strategies exist that increase the probability of success, whether seeking to relocate with the child(ren), or opposing such a move.

How does a move-away case differ from a visitation case?

Custody time (also called “time-share”) is a plan for how the parents will share time with the children. This may also be referred to as “custody time” or “visitation” or the like. It is a shorthand way to refer to the amount of time a child is with each respective parent. Such court orders vary, depending on the best interest of the children, the situation of the parents, and other factors. If the case is more about minimal schedule changes, it's not a custody case. It's what we call a time-share type case. These cases are typically easier to resolve because we're not talking about a dramatic change in a custodial arrangement.

What many parents fail to understand…

The foundation for every custodial arrangement is what is in the best interest of the children, which includes relocation. So often, parents talk about “my time,” and they use the word “my kids”. They assert that they are entitled to “their rights”. Those parents are incorrect, and will face tremendous challenges if they are involved in litigation. Custody matters will always be about what's best for the children. The law starts from a presumption that frequent and continuous contact with both parents is what is best for the children. Many people confuse that to be a presumption that this naturally equates to a 50/50 arrangement. This is simply not true. There are so many factors involved in determining what is best for the child, outside of the parents’ opinions. The decision needs to be carefully made by the court in order to avoid having detrimental effect on the children, or impede the other parent's ongoing relationship and access to the child.

Some things courts will consider when determining move-away requests:

  • Which parent (if either) has an actual, or de facto, primary custodial relationship prior to the requested move
  • The good faith reason for the move (ex. job opportunity) -not designed to simply get away form the ex spouse (this is in turn mitigated if there is a history of Domestic Violence)
  • Distance of the move being considered/requested and the logistical issues raised include travel time, cost, etc.
  • The child’s age can be a large factor in the judge’s decision as it may be more difficult for younger children who haven’t had proper time to develop parent/child relationships-or older children who while more physiologically and psychologically developed and bonded have concurrently formed strong bonds with friends, schools, extended family, etc.
  • Any history of violence within the household(s)
  • The current and historical relationship between the parents
  • Ability to maintain proper medical treatment at both locations
  • The parents’ ability to Co-Parent or a lack of willingness to do so
  • The “best interest” of the child
  • The child’s preference and feelings about the move (depending upon the age)
  • An overall assessment of the “detriment” of the move. This issue was given overriding importance in the most recent California Supreme court case on this subject. In such cases, even where a permanent custody order is in place, the custodial parent’s right to relocate with a child remains subject to the changed circumstance rule. (In re Marriage of LaMusga (2004) 32 Cal.4th 1072) 1088-1089 (LaMusga).

It is important to note the individual elements referenced above are not necessarily equal, nor determinative. The court will look at the totality of the circumstances in assessing the best interest and detriment.

Here in Southern California, a classic example of a move-away could be any distance greater than 30 miles, say Orange County to Riverside County. While this doesn’t seem like a huge distance, commute time needs to be taken into consideration. The freeways are often heavy with traffic and while the distance isn’t tremendous, the time it takes to travel between the two areas could frequently be over two hours on any given weekday. The commute is going to impede a parent from being able to spend enough quality time with the children. More importantly, how is that drive going to affect that child? Is it going to affect the ability of a parent to pick up on Friday evening? This kind of move would also potentially mean a change in school districts and various other factors.

Here’s where it gets complicated…

Once the relocation is defined as a move-away, things can get really, really complicated. Sometimes the status quo may not contain a court order that grants parents the ability to relocate. Some attorneys who craft judgments (and some people without attorneys) don't put all of the necessary language outlined in their judgments into their court orders, relative to custody. As is such, it may be possible that a parent could move and then change visitation later on. It's also possible that doing so could have negative consequences. This is one reason why it is critical that you have a discussion with a competent family law attorney to talk about your options, in your case.

What if there isn’t a court order in place for custody?

The following is a hypothetical situation: Two parents are unmarried and they're already living apart. There is no court order in place for custody of their child. One parent decides that they want to relocate with their child. They decide that they're going to go ahead and move to New York without consulting an attorney.

Guess what is likely to happen in this instance.... The other parent (more likely than not) is going to run into court and ask for an emergency order to have that parent, either not relocate with the child or immediately return the child. The parent who has already moved to New York, has probably settled in, secured employment and has started their new life. However, the court can effectively change the custodial arrangement because the first parent acted improperly and failed to do things the right way.

It's imperative to get a plan in place and follow the plan. The commonly used colloquialism that sometimes “It’s better to ask for forgiveness rather than permission” may work--or may lead to disastrous consequences.

How does a parent looking to move away get permission if they need it?

First, they will need to create a paper trail and reach out to the other party stating intent to move. Ask them what their thoughts are on the matter. It may be received well, it may not. Regardless, communicating the intent, (or possible intent,) in writing is always the first step. If they don't ask and just rush to court, then the court is going to think badly of that person for not asking or trying to work it out with the other parent. This is true whether the parents have court orders or not. Someone who is still in an intact relationship and simply takes off in the middle of the night with the child to a far away place is equally subject to an adverse consequence. While a history of Domestic Violence may mitigate this, it may not eliminate it.

A key point to keep in mind is that the court has no authority to tell a parent that they cannot move. Every adult in the United States has an absolute, unrestricted right to travel. The government cannot say that a parent can't move; that they have to stay here and take care of the children. In fact, what the court does when they engage in a move-away, is start with the presumption that the move is happening. They make orders based upon that expectation. The order will either be that the children move with the parent who is relocating, or that they stay with the non-moving parent. Then arrangements for visitation will be made accordingly.

Move-away cases are not a quick and easy process

Whether or not there is a custody order in place, a plan is needed. After step one, it might be time to file the move-away request with the court. If it is a full on move-away case, it's probably going to take quite some time to get the hearing on it and get it done. That means going to court, certainly doing mediation at court, possibly doing a custodial evaluation, setting the matter for an evidentiary hearing with witnesses and cross examination, dealing with cancellations and postponements that are rabid in the court system, particularly with COVID, and finally, having the hearing and getting a court ruling. And even if the parties get a court ruling, thee law of California mandates that the parent is not allowed to move for 30 days after that ruling. This can really drag out and parents really need to plan for the long haul.

How long does it take to resolve a move-away case?

This depends on the courthouse. If the case is being processed within the public court system, then parents at the mercy of the court. There may be shutdowns because of COVID. It may also take awhile if a psychological evaluation, referred to as a “730 Evaluation,"  is required. There may be a trial set for three days on a move-away case, and then some other case bumps it, and it gets postponed for another two or three months. A short time period might be six to nine months, while a long time period might be a year and a half or more, because of how the legal system works. This is why it is important to get started with the process as soon the parent thinks that they will be moving. Parents should always make a plan and seek legal counsel before they accept a job out of state, buy plane tickets, or hire movers. Then again, bad advice can set you back both in time and in the ultimate likelihood of success.

No two move-away cases are alike...

Please remember, every move-away case, like every custody case, is different. There are unique aspects of each and every one. The one thing that always remains the same is that ultimately, this is about what's best for the children. If the parents have a good co parenting arrangement, that can serve as a basic foundation for resolving things amicably. However, parents should only do so after consulting with competent counsel.

If you are contemplating a move and want to do things the right way, please reach out to us as soon as possible. Our team has extensive experience with move-away cases and we can help you plan for this impactful life change in a way that keeps your children the priority and offers the best possible outcome for your family.

PLEASE NOTE:

The material and information contained on this website is for general information purposes only and is not intended to be legal advice. It does not create an attorney/client relationship in any way, shape or form. Holstrom, Block and Parke are attorneys at law, licensed to practice in the state of California and have based the information presented on US laws. All cases are different and nothing in this content is intended to suggest any particular result for your matter. Holstrom, Block and Parke has no control over and accepts no liability in respect of materials, products or services available on any website which is not under the control of Holstrom, Block and Parke. Certain links in this website will lead to websites which are not under the control of Holstrom, Block and Parke, APLC. When you activate these website links, you will leave the Holstrom, Block and Parke website. Therefore, we have no control over and accept no liability in respect of the materials, products or services available on the third party websites, which are not under control of Holstrom, Block and Parke. There is no substitute for seeking out advice from a competent Family Law professional and you should always consult with an attorney before you rely on this information.

After Divorce / Child Custody / Divorce / Family Law / Parental Rights

Tips For Creating A Holiday Parenting Plan or Order

It's the most wonderful time of the year...it’s also the busiest and can be the most stressful time for families with parents who are separated or divorced, and have to figure out how to make sure that the children spend time with both parents. Creating a holiday schedule doesn’t have to be a source of stress for parents and children. In fact, the purpose of having a schedule or court order in place ahead of time is to alleviate frustration, confusion and chaos. These things enable both parents to plan for their major holidays respectively, while ensuring that the children have adequate time with each parent and the sense of security that comes with having a well communicated, mutually agreed upon plan. Children have so many expectations and emotions tied to holidays, due to the traditions and memories created. No child wants to spend the holidays, after a separation or divorce, listening to parents argue, being put in the middle of parental squabbles, or being made to feel guilty for spending time with one parent over the other parent. Parents should work together to mitigate anxiety and negative emotions for their children, while preparing them for new traditions and schedule changes in a way that reassures them that the holidays will still be memorable and a positive experience. The Custody Queens have some valuable tips for parents who want to navigate the holiday season as peacefully as possible by creating a plan that works for everyone, especially the children.

  1. Plan ahead. Do not wait until the last minute to start a conversation with the other parent. This needs to be well thought out and planned for in advance of the holiday so that plans can be communicated with the children.
  2. Be specific in crafting court Orders, but remain open to flexibility in practice. Having a specific court Order can help manage expectations and mitigate stress. On the other hand, remember life happens and being flexible with the other parent can be more practical and help foster a genuine co-parenting relationship.
  3. Accept that holidays will generally be split. This is really a conversation about how to arrange the time. Some suggestions on how to do this are:
    1. Alternating holidays (i.e. In odd years one parent has Christmas Eve and the other parent has Christmas day. In even years, the parents switch days.)
    2. Split the day between both parents (i.e. The first half of Thanksgiving Day is spent with one parent, the second half of Thanksgiving Day is spent with the other)
    3. Schedule the holiday twice. As parents, we can observe holidays on alternative days. For example, often separated parents observe their child’s birthday on a different day so that both parents get to celebrate. What child doesn’t want two birthdays?!
  4. Address travel. Will arrangements be needed for transportation and what time will need to be allotted for this? Who will be making these arrangements and paying travel expenses?
  5. Keep the children out of it. Even if you disagree, do not bring your children into the dispute—children want to celebrate holidays, not inherit your stress.
  6. Itemize which holidays need to be addressed in the Order. Some families celebrate only major holidays; others celebrate additional days/school break days/etc…Consider the type of schedule you have. If you exercise joint physical custody, do you really need to recognize all non-major holidays? The answer is sometimes yes. However, consider that with a joint physical arrangement, exercising non-major holidays does not provide you with additional time—it provides you with adjusted time that may cause unnecessary disruptions to an otherwise consistent schedule.
  7. Be efficient. Consider negotiating/agreeing on the entire year’s holiday/special day schedule at the same time. There is inevitably going to be more passion related to the holiday which is right in front of you (i.e. Christmas Eve or Christmas Day). Rather than having 8-9 different negotiations every time a holiday is approaching, just sit down, and agree on whatever split works best for your family for the entire year. If you don’t have your preferred schedule for this year, ask to reverse the schedule on alternating years so that it is consistent and your children get the opportunity to experience each holiday with both sides of the family.
  8. Special requests. If the other side has a request, do not refuse it just for the sake of refusal. Consider asking for an accommodation on your own special requests when negotiating.
  9. Identify your family’s unique needs. If you have them, include them in the plan or Order.

Now is the time to get your plan or orders in place to ensure that everyone has a peaceful holiday. For more tips on thriving during the holiday season, please read our blog post on Tips for Co-parenting Around The Holidays. With good communication, a willingness to compromise and proper planning, your holiday can be a lot less stressful and a lot more merry. Be sure to follow us on social media for daily posts and more.

PLEASE NOTE:

The material and information contained on this website is for general information purposes only and is not intended to be legal advice. It does not create an attorney/client relationship in any way, shape or form. The Custody Queens, a division of Holstrom, Block and Parke, are attorneys at law, licensed to practice in the state of California and have based the information presented on US laws. All cases are different and nothing in this content is intended to suggest any particular result for your matter. Custody Queens has no control over and accepts no liability in respect of materials, products or services available on any website which is not under the control of Custody Queens. Certain links in this website may lead to websites which are not under the control of Custody Queens, or Holstrom, Block and Parke, APLC. When you activate these website links, you will leave the Custody Queens website. Therefore, we have no control over and accept no liability in respect of the materials, products or services available on the third party websites, which are not under control of Custody Queens. There is no substitute for seeking out advice from a competent Family Law professional and you should always consult with an attorney before you rely on this information.

After Divorce / Child Custody / Co-Parenting / Divorce / Family Law

Which Friends Can You Talk to During a Divorce?

By James Parke

Going through a divorce is obviously one of the worst periods anyone can experience in life. In fact, many have stated that divorce is worse than the death of a loved one because, in death, it is common for the survivors to focus on the "good characteristics" of the deceased while overlooking the faults. On the other hand, a divorce is a "death" of a relationship, but in that "death", the parties seem to have nothing good to say or think about the other.

Divorce brings out a great deal of anger, hate, bitterness, and resentment. Most mental health professionals will suggest that a person going through a divorce needs to talk about those feelings to a select group of close friends, people who know you and who will allow you to vent to them.

Here are a few tips on how to pick those friends to whom you may safely vent:

  1. Do not choose a relative or close friend of your spouse

The saying that "blood is thicker than water" is more than an adage. If you choose a relative or close friend of your spouse, it often comes back to "bite" you because of their allegiance to the other spouse;

  1. Limit the number of "close friends"

A good general rule of thumb is to ask about five to seven friends for permission to vent to them. Do not pick anymore, and try not to pick less than that number. If you pick more, then you lose "quality" control. If you pick less, the individuals that you chose are likely to be "burned out" by your venting, as there are no alternatives for you to choose; and

  1. Do not choose a family member

It is always surprising how many attempted reconciliations fail because one party's family refuses to forgive or accept the other party because of the "venting" which the relative spouse has done with them. Relatives are typically very protective and, if you vent too much of the "bad" things about the other party, they will never trust that party again; and

  1. Ask for permission to vent

Once the group of "venting" friends has been decided, be sure to reach an agreement with those friends that you will first ask them if it is a good time to hear your "venting" before you start venting; and

  1. Don’t discuss legal matters

Do not ask your friends for legal advice unless that person is an attorney. Asking advice of a friend about a legal matter like a divorce is like asking a friend who has had knee surgery if he would do some arthroscopic surgery on your knee. You would not do that, so don't ask your friend who has gone through a divorce to be your legal representative.

If you are currently going through or considering a divorce, don’t hesitate to contact our Corona divorce law firm to discuss the specifics of your case.

After Divorce / Divorce / Family Law

When Does Child Support Begin After Divorce?

One of the most frequently asked questions regarding California divorce law regards when a parent is required to begin making child support payments during the divorce process. Do payments begin right away? Should parents wait until a court order is issued? Is it considered abandonment if a parent does not pay child support during the separation period? The answer: it depends.

Child support actions typically begin when married parents file for divorce. Once the request for child support is filed, it must be served to the other parent. The receiving parent generally has 9 days to respond before a hearing is set to issue a temporary order. The court will review each parent’s paperwork, listen to testimony, and issue a support decision. This decision will be memorialized both verbally and on the court’s record.

Generally speaking, the sooner a case is filed, the sooner the courts will set a temporary support obligation for the paying parent. This order can usually be obtained within 60 days of filing for divorce, though delays can occur if the seeking parent fails to properly complete the support request or the paying parent does not properly or honestly complete their income and expense declaration.

Legally, you are not required to make child support payments to your spouse unless the court orders the payments. While parents are always free to make arrangements and offer agreements on child support on their own, the court retains the final word for the best interests of the children.

Child support actions, while seemingly simple, can expose parents to numerous frustrations and pitfalls if not handled by an experienced attorney. Whether you are looking to pursue child support from your child’s other parent or are concerned about being required to pay an unfair amount, the Southern California divorce lawyers at Holstrom, Block & Parke, APLC can provide the strong guidance you need to ensure your best interests are guarded.

To find out more about what our 300 years of combined family law experience can do for you, call our office today at (855) 747-6225.

After Divorce / Child Support

Protecting Your Business Assets in a Divorce

Decades of hard work can go into the creation of a successful business and when a divorce puts your assets at risk, it can create a significant threat to your livelihood. Even if a company was founded before a marriage, your spouse may have legal grounds to claim that your business should be counted as community property. California’s laws regarding the division of property state that each spouse must receive an equal share of marital assets. If you do not take legal preparations, your business could take a substantial hit. Below, our blog outlines several strategies that you can use to safeguard your business interests in the event of a divorce.

  • Prenuptial and postnuptial agreements: If your business was created before a marriage, protect it by naming it as separate property in a prenuptial agreement. Similarly, you can protect a business that was created after a marriage through the use of a postnuptial agreement. “Postnups” have the greatest chance of success when written well before a divorce is ever on the horizon. These agreements can state early on what portion of a business if any a spouse may be able to claim upon divorce.
  • Give up other assets: The laws in California dictate that the total value of assets received by divorcing spouses must be equal. As the owner of a company, you may be able to retain control of your business if your spouse receives equal compensation through other assets. You may consider sacrificing your claim to any sizable investment, retirement, or insurance accounts in exchange for your business assets.
  • Separate business and personal finances: While assets that were acquired or created before a marriage are typically considered separate property, investing marital assets into an otherwise separate business, which is regarded as commingling assets, can cause complications. separate business (this is called co-mingling assets) can introduce complications. For example, if a business owner were to use shared income to purchase company supplies, a spouse can claim that part of the business has undergone transmutation by becoming community property. Maintaining complete and accurate records of all business-related transactions can help to substantiate your claims in the courtroom.

Help for Business Owners Working through Divorce

When it comes to protecting your business interests in a divorce, it pays to take legal action as soon as possible. If you are currently working through or anticipating the end of a marriage, do not waste any time in contacting Holstrom, Block & Parke, APLC.

Our Southern California divorce attorneys have substantial experience representing clients in high-asset divorce and understand the unique problems you may face as a business owner.

Call (855) 939-9111 and schedule a free phone consultation to get more than 300 years of collective experience in your corner.

After Divorce / Divorce / Money, Property & Support

Are You Holding a Grudge after your divorce?

Holding on to anger, resentment or bitterness toward your ex is only hurting yourself. We all know that deep down, but letting go of our feelings is easier said than done. You’ve been dwelling upon that grudge against your ex that’s buried deep within you for many years. Or maybe you feel like you have moved on. How can you be sure?

Author Rosalind Sedacca recently outlined three ways we can determine if we’re holding on to a grudge:

  1. Passive-aggressive behavior: You tell yourself you’re “over it” so your actions are subtle, yet you’re always finding ways to slightly “get back at” your ex. We all know what passive-aggressive looks like, but can we admit when we’re acting that way?
  2. Sarcastic remarks: Do you find yourself constantly being sarcastic around your ex? Is it to a much higher level than when you’re around other people?
  3. Being short: If you’re constantly “being short” with your ex, you’re coming across as annoyed or intolerant. You clearly don’t enjoy being around that person and you’re still upset at what happened in the past.

Ask yourself if these actions ring a bell. If you’re acting this way around your ex regularly, you’re probably still holding a grudge. And you know as well as we do that once the divorce is over, your grudge is only hurting yourself… not you ex. Let it go.

After Divorce

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