Which Friends Can You Talk to During a Divorce?

By James Parke

Going through a divorce is obviously one of the worst periods anyone can experience in life. In fact, many have stated that divorce is worse than the death of a loved one because, in death, it is common for the survivors to focus on the "good characteristics" of the deceased while overlooking the faults. On the other hand, a divorce is a "death" of a relationship, but in that "death", the parties seem to have nothing good to say or think about the other.

Divorce brings out a great deal of anger, hate, bitterness, and resentment. Most mental health professionals will suggest that a person going through a divorce needs to talk about those feelings to a select group of close friends, people who know you and who will allow you to vent to them.

Here are a few tips on how to pick those friends to whom you may safely vent:

  1. Do not choose a relative or close friend of your spouse

The saying that "blood is thicker than water" is more than an adage. If you choose a relative or close friend of your spouse, it often comes back to "bite" you because of their allegiance to the other spouse;

  1. Limit the number of "close friends"

A good general rule of thumb is to ask about five to seven friends for permission to vent to them. Do not pick anymore, and try not to pick less than that number. If you pick more, then you lose "quality" control. If you pick less, the individuals that you chose are likely to be "burned out" by your venting, as there are no alternatives for you to choose; and

  1. Do not choose a family member

It is always surprising how many attempted reconciliations fail because one party's family refuses to forgive or accept the other party because of the "venting" which the relative spouse has done with them. Relatives are typically very protective and, if you vent too much of the "bad" things about the other party, they will never trust that party again; and

  1. Ask for permission to vent

Once the group of "venting" friends has been decided, be sure to reach an agreement with those friends that you will first ask them if it is a good time to hear your "venting" before you start venting; and

  1. Don’t discuss legal matters

Do not ask your friends for legal advice unless that person is an attorney. Asking advice of a friend about a legal matter like a divorce is like asking a friend who has had knee surgery if he would do some arthroscopic surgery on your knee. You would not do that, so don't ask your friend who has gone through a divorce to be your legal representative.

If you are currently going through or considering a divorce, don’t hesitate to contact our Corona divorce law firm to discuss the specifics of your case.

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