The term “conscious uncoupling” was essentially coined when Gwyneth Paltrow referred to her divorce as some sort of spiritual experience. We see a lot of difficult divorces, and while it’s great that some couples try to make it a peaceful process… it isn’t if you have kids. Rebecca Bitton recently shared a few “truths” about divorcing with kids that may not be easy to hear… but we think they’re important to know.

1. Kids are not completely resilient. Most divorcing parents are told my friends and family that kids are “stronger than you think” or that they’ll “bounce back quickly.” And that’s just not true. In fact, many people are scarred for life because of their parents’ divorce. It’s important to remember this so you can prepare for the worst. If you only expect the best, you may not be prepared to set your child up with a counselor a year later when he/she is still struggling or depressed.

2. Someone will lose it. Good luck to the couples that are trying to act like “mature adults” throughout the entire divorce or separation process. It’s not going to happen. At some point at least one of you is going to lose it, so just expect it. Be ready to deal with it and move on.

3. Not all problems go away. Many people are told that their life will completely start over via divorce and all things will be new! False. That ex you’re divorcing because you can’t stand him anymore… you’ll still have to see and speak to him fairly often because you’re now co-parents, even if you aren’t married anymore.

4. This is no fairytale. You may want to take time off, travel, switch jobs or start a life somewhere new now that the divorce is finally over. But good luck justifying any of that as a parent. You still have responsibilities and children that need you.

Essentially, as much as we all wish there was an easy way out… divorcing with kids is going to be painful and difficult. So be ready for it.