Jackie Pilossoph from Divorced Girl Smiling recently wrote a post for women considering dating men who are “separated,” and we thought we’d share it here for any of you Corona and Riverside ladies in this predicament.

You went through the divorce process and stayed single throughout, and now that you’re final free you want to date again. You’re attracted to a guy (or girl) who’s separated. Is it ok to date him or not?

Pilossoph believes that people who are “separated” can be in very different places. Each situation is unique. Don’t be too quick to turn someone down because they’re still technically married, but be careful.

Here are a few things to consider:

Is this person emotionally ready to date? People who are recently separated and people who have been “single” for two years are in a very different state of life. So many simply don’t want to (or can’t) go through the divorce process yet, others are still emotionally attached to their spouse.

Is the person living with their spouse still? You need to carefully consider if this will bother you or not.

The couple may end up back together. No matter how “separated” they are, it’s still much more likely and easy to reignite a flame of someone who is separate vs divorced. You’ll need to come to terms with that.

The person hasn’t experienced the emotional trials of divorce. If you’re hoping he can relate to your divorce struggles, think again.Overall, there is no easy equation to determine if you should date someone who’s separated. But make sure to assess the situation truthfully and realize what you’re getting yourself into.

About Dayn Holstrom

Dayn Holstrom is a hard working, compassionate problem solver who welcomes the opportunity to serve you in any way he can. His maximum availability to your questions and concerns begins with your free initial consultation. He is well-seasoned in all matters related to family law and a skilled negotiator and litigator.

For many years the US Census and other data suggested that the national divorce rate peaked in the 1970s and has been declining ever since. This may not be true.

Sheela Kennedy and Steven Ruggles from the Minnesota Population Center at the University of Minnesota recently reported numbers that challenges this assumption. They believe, on the contrary, that the divorce rate has been rising over the past 30 years.

Their first argument against the data collected by the Census, and other such sources, is that the quality of the data is poor. They state that even the better data sources have flaws in the methods used to collect information and it’s distorted the divorce rate stats.

The Census also suggested that the divorce rate increased for people in their mid-20s and steadily declined with age. However, recent data suggests that the divorce rate has not been declining as steadily for those over the age of 35. In fact, Kennedy and Ruggles believe that people older than 60 are divorcing at a higher rate than ever.

What’s the real takeaway? Well, for those of us helping couples in Corona and Riverside, it’s that “divorce rates” can’t be the measure of marital stability. We try not to look at divorce as bad, but rather as a chance for positive change. While every long-term relationship ending is a difficult situation, the fact that our clients have the ability to end marriages that aren’t full of love or joy is a good thing. And we’re lucky to be able to help those couples go through the process as easily as possible.

About Dayn Holstrom

Dayn Holstrom is a hard working, compassionate problem solver who welcomes the opportunity to serve you in any way he can. His maximum availability to your questions and concerns begins with your free initial consultation. He is well-seasoned in all matters related to family law and a skilled negotiator and litigator.

My marriage is over, but these days, who can afford to move out?

Today, with the economy being the way it is, it turns out that in lieu of divorce, many couples simply choose to live together anyway.

The reason is that they believe they cannot afford to divorce and they choose to live together for financial reasons. After all, who today, can afford to keep up two residences? So, what can you do?

Not only is breaking up hard to do, but it’s expensive. A survey taken a few years ago by the American Academy of Matrimonial Lawyers “found that in rotten economic times, divorce rates take a dive.”

In addition, with nearly one in five homes worth less than what’s owed on it, couples are forced to remain living together under the same roof since moving out is becoming a financial impossibility for many. How does one cope with this type of situation?

If abuse isn’t an issue, with a little amount of planning, a couple can live together, but separately, under one roof. First, ground rules must be set. Perhaps a neutral third party can help with that. As yourself the following questions:

• Will you keep family dinners or eat separately?
• Who will do the chores, cooking, cleaning?
• Who will attend to the children? Take them to school, pick them up?
• What are the actual living arrangements?

Once those questions are answered and handled, discuss your daily expenses. Do you want to keep your joint bank accounts or open separate ones? You must decide on how you will pay monthly household bills including the mortgage. Discuss other monthly expenses – expenses to keep the house running and your children fed, clothed and taken care of.

Credit is another story. Shred those joint cards and get new ones in your name only. If there is a balance involved, and you cannot afford to pay it off, ask the bank to freeze the account so neither party can charge anymore.

Now, if you just can’t live with your soon-to-be ex-spouse and want to divorce, live without him or her, but don’t think you can afford it, there are things you can do to minimize the effect of divorce:

• Attempt to fill out the divorce forms on your own
• Find someone who can put a value to your assets
• Ask a realtor for an estimate on what your home is valued at
• You can probably find an online child support calculator – determine what the support will be that you receive or have to pay
• Look for alternative dispute resolution techniques

You have options. Try to resolve as many family issues as possible with your spouse. This will reduce your attorney’s billable hours and your overall expenses. This may seem a challenge, but it can be done with a little work and a little planning.

If you still have unanswered questions regarding a divorce, contact the family law offices of Holstrom, Block & Parke for the answers and the options you have before you. We are conveniently located in Riverside, San Bernardino and Orange Counties.

Call us and speak to an attorney the consultation is free and confidential, or visit us online and submit our contact form.

When Americans think about taxes, confusion and frustration are usually two common emotions associated with the word. Where are my taxes going, and who are all the individuals that are benefiting from my hard earned money? But what if I told you that military retirement funds are now paying for the benefits of veterans and divorce?

According to an article entitled “Military Retirement Pay Veterans Benefits and Divorce Make for Tax Confusion,” a man by the name of Elmer Nuss, was divorced in the year of 1998. However, the court ordered that one half of his military retirement funds be paid to his ex-wife. According to federal law, a state court judge can order a split in military retirement funds be paid to the ex-spouse, as long as it is consistent with state Family Law principles. On the other hand, if a spouse is receiving disability benefits, it cannot be distributed to a former spouse. However, disability funds can be taken and use for spousal or child support debts.

The law can allow for a veteran to receive VA benefits, but that in turn reduces the amount of retirement pay the individual is currently receiving. This can cause issues for a spouse that is in need of a military divorce. One way to prevent this from occurring is fully educating yourself and entering into a property agreement that fully addresses what occurs when a veteran’s retirement benefits are reduced.

The way military retirement is divided to pay veteran’s benefits varies from case to case. Specifically regarding Elmer Nuss’ case, he did have to pay to his ex-spouse, but this is not true for every case.

If you are concerned about what will happen to your retirement fund after you divorce, or want more information about which retirement plans require what course of action, talk to an experienced Family Law attorney. Schedule an appointment with a law firm knowledgeable in divorce, money and property. Get a clear understanding of the law that may affect you if you are thinking about getting divorce.

We have helped many couples in Riverside County through a divorce and some are better than others. Everyone agrees that it isn’t a fun process, but it also doesn’t need to be looked at as “bad.” Here are 6 of the best things about divorce, according to a recent post by DivorcedMom’s Lizzy Smith:

1. It’s done. Churchill said “If you’re going through hell, keep going.” Whatever you’re struggling with in your marriage, you won’t need to deal with that (hopefully) once the divorce is finalized.
2. The whole bed! Stretch out, lay sideways, don’t listen to snoring… not sharing a bed throughout the night can be wonderful!
3. Purging the ugly. You know all that awful stuff your ex kept around that always annoyed yet—throw it all out! Or make him/her take it. Your space is now your own to do whatever you want with!
4. No more fighting. As great as relationships can be, everyone fights and everyone has low moments. While the peaks and valleys are worth it… no more valleys! That’s something to celebrate.
5. Being honest. Most people have an extremely hard time being honest about their struggles and the emotional turmoil that may be going on in their life during a rocky marriage. Once the divorce is over, many people find it much easier to be open and honest with their friends/family about what they went through. That’s when the emotional healing can start to take place.
6. Finding passion again. Remember that excitement you once felt for your ex and how you got butterflies and felt real love and longing? You have the chance to find that again with someone else, and make it work/last this time. It’s a terrific opportunity to rejoice about.

Historically, adultery and divorce were much more closely correlated than they are today in the eyes of the law. Adultery is defined as extramarital sex that willfully and maliciously interferes with marriage. In the past, in order to get a divorce, the innocent party had to prove that their spouse committed some significant wrongdoing, such as adultery, in order to seek legal approval for the termination of the marriage. While adultery can cause significant pain and emotional distress in a marriage, it is not a significant factor in California divorce law.

Divorces in California are obtained on no-fault grounds, such as irreconcilable differences or the incurable insanity of a spouse, so the spouse asking for a divorce does not have to prove that the other spouse is guilty of any sort of misconduct.

So, if you’re having an extramarital relationship, thinking about divorce and wanting to know if your spouse will get mostly everything because of it, the answer is no.

Bottom line, adultery is a non-issue in California law and is totally irrelevant to the division of property, child support, and spousal support, and custody issues. However, the only time adultery does come into play is if the act is committed in front of a couple’s children.

Regarding finances: If your partner has spent money from your joint bank account on his or her lover, such as paying for an apartment or buying jewelry or a trip, not only could there be a claim for reimbursement, but also a claim for breach of fiduciary duty.

Legally, your partner has misappropriated community money, and that is the crux of the issue. There are specific laws in California as to breach of fiduciary duty and its ramifications. The fiduciary duty between husband and wife allows both spouses full management and control of all community property. Each spouse must make full disclosure of all material facts and information within their knowledge regarding the existence, characterization, and valuation of community assets and debts.

If you are thinking of divorce, contact Holstrom, Block & Parke. With our primary focus in family law, you can expect aggressive and compassionate legal representation. We are ready to put our divorce law knowledge, case experience, and client-friendly approach to work for you. Call us!

No one goes into marriage expecting to go through divorce. But sometimes, for whatever reasons, people need to part ways and move on.

Whether you are the spouse wanting the divorce or the spouse who has been left to deal with the shock of an unwanted divorce, you will need to take steps to protect yourself.

With the divorce rate being so high in California, chances are you or someone you love has been impacted by this typically tumultuous process. Because divorce often involves a major upheaval in your life, whether it’s to relocate, deal with the pressures of becoming a single parent, or helping your children through this transition, this time can make you feel isolated, depressed and angry.

Every decision you make during this process will be guided by three things, including:

• California divorce laws
• Your emotional well-being
• Your spouse’s attitude

The only one of these you have control over is your own emotional well-being. Being emotionally fit will allow you to protect your legal rights. Keeping yourself healthy during a divorce is very challenging, especially for the woman who wears too many hats and allows her well-being to fall to the bottom of her ‘things-to-do list’.

The following are a few helpful hints that will assist you in navigating through this uncharted territory, keeping you healthy along the way.

1. Don’t fall into a rut – Focus on reaching out to your family and closest friends for support.
2. Don’t forget about you – Take care of your own needs for your sake and that of your children. Don’t forget to eat and sleep. Go out and do something you enjoy, even if it’s just a walk.
3. Lighten up if possible – It’s okay to be sad, but try not to let that emotion take over your life. Even though it might be difficult, try to find some humor in your life. Remember, things will get better.

Experiencing a divorce can cause an array of emotions, but the legal aspect of the experience doesn’t have to add more stress. When you have the assistance of askilled and knowledgeable attorney, you will experience a greater feeling of relaxation during the divorce process.

Contact the family law offices of Holstrom, Sissung, Marks & Anderson. We will help you and your family get through this difficult time. Our offices are conveniently located in Riverside, Orange, and San Bernardino Counties.

Couples who have been married a long time or couples who rushed into marriage for one reason or another sometimes need a break to better access the situation and their feelings.

Separating from your spouse does not necessarily require court involvement. However, a legal separation may provide some benefits, such as a temporary spousal support order or child visitation guidelines. You remain legally married while choosing to live separate lives.

Unlike divorce, a legal separation does not put an end to the marriage; it enables you to live separately, but remain married. During the time of separation, you have a court order that outlines the rights and responsibilities of each spouse.

You should take steps to protect yourself – even if you’re unsure if divorce or legal separation is the right decision for you and your marriage. With so many important decisions regarding your home, your financial obligations, and your children that need to be made, separating from your spouse can get messy fast.

If you decide to divorce after your separation and your case goes to court, a judge is likely to assume that since you were satisfied with the separation agreement, the agreement should carry over to the divorce settlement agreement. For that reason, it’s important that you come to a separation agreement you can live with long term.

Although a legal separation and divorce have many issues in common there are some advantages to separating rather than divorcing. Those advantages include:

• It allows you to be apart – away from the conflict of your marriage
• It allows you to keep your medical benefits

If you are a military spouse, you may want to remain married for 10 years so you can take advantage of benefits set up by the Uniformed Services Former Spouse Protection Act.

No matter where you are – thinking about divorce or in the middle of the divorce process – and are unsure of the next step, ask a divorce attorney to get answers to your legal questions. If you and your spouse have decided that divorce is your best option, contact Holstrom, Block & Parke to discuss how you should deal with the divorce process, divorce laws, and divorce requirements.