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Child Custody: Does the Child Ever Get to Choose?

It might surprise you to learn that California does make provisions for the child’s preference in custody cases. Family Code section 3042 outlines how and when the child’s choice is used.

Can a child just say they want to live with Mom or Dad? No. Family Court judges have discretion when it comes to each individual case. Some of the factors they take under consideration include parental influence, maturity, conditioning, and they often role play with the parents while the court listens and learns from the child.

The Base Requirements

  • The child must be of sufficient age and capacity to make such a decision.
  • The court has control over the examination of the child witness in order to protect his or her best interests.
  • A child under 14 years of age may address the court regarding visitation and custody as long as the court agrees to hear testimony.

The laws of California have drawn a line at the age of 14 as a general guideline. They believe this is when a minor child has the maturity and capacity to make reasonable and relevant decisions for the right reasons. Each case is different and some children mature faster or slower than others.

At the end of the day, the court still has discretion and will make a decision based on the best interest of the child regardless of what the child says. Sometimes the court will agree with the child and sometimes they won’t.

The Court’s Discretion

  • The location of the testimony
  • Who can be present during the testimony
  • The questions and manner of questioning for the testimony
  • Evaluator or investigator selection/appointment

The goal is for the Family Court to look for signs of emotional or physical abuse, parental influence or conditioning, alienation, or other influences the court may surmise from their testimony and demeanor.

The court may assign a legal representative for the minor child when necessary. Likewise, it’s not uncommon for a psychological examination to play a role in child custody, especially when it’s contested or where the child has a preference.

Some cases can be resolved through mediation, while others will have to endure litigation that can last several days to months depending on the situation. It’s rare for child custody decisions to go on for years. The minor child will only be a minor for so long.

No matter what, the best interests of the child will be upheld to the best of the Family Court’s ability given the information and data they can gather. Each individual case is handled on its own merit, which means some precedence may be dismissed by the court.

If your child has a preference and you would like them to have their say, you should consult with a Riverside attorney. The initial consultation is free at Riverside Family Law, so you risk nothing by talking with them.

Custody Evaluation Process

Bickering between spouses during a divorce is common, and also not being able to reach an agreement. If you and your former spouse let your emotions get the best of you and are unable to reach a custody agreement, you may need to order a custody evaluation.

A custody evaluation is a process where a mental health professional, could be a psychologist, evaluates the spouse, the children, and the former spouse to create a custody and visitation recommendation to the court. However, depending on where you live, custody evaluations can get really expensive. Some evaluations can cost up to several thousands of dollars, however some courts have lower-cost alternatives. Although the court usually orders this evaluation, the couple that is divorcing is usually the required couple left to cover the costs.

The process of a custody evaluation process can be simply. An evaluator is simply working to make a determination of what are in the best interests for the child. So after that simple objective, the steps from there can get a little bit tedious. The mental health professional conducts about 2-3 interviews with both the parents

Concerned with how the custody process in your divorce will be determined? Get a second look at your divorce and custody settlement. Ensure that the Family Law and Divorce Law Firm you speak to provides you with all the options available to you and that you understand how the entire process will be handled.

Aggressive representation from your trusting family law attorney. It makes all the difference in the outcome of your case, contact an attorney today for more information on child custody modification, or if you want to start filing a claim.

Child Custody & Visitation: Do's and Don'ts

One thing divorce doesn’t change is you being a parent. No matter what kind of co-parenting plan you and your ex-spouse create, whether it’s traditional or flexible, temporary or permanent, you can make the time you spend with your children pleasant and productive. The experienced Orange County family law attorneys at Holstrom, Block & Parke can answer any questions you may have about you child custody arrangements and is an ideal source for reliable legal counsel. The following are some hints on making the most of your time with your children — and making the transitions easier on them.

DO

  • You should always be prompt and on time. If you give the spouse or child a specific time that you will be arriving to pick him/her up, visit, whichever the case may be you to always live up to your word. This will help relieve the stress for children trying to adjust to their parents no longer living in the same home.
  • Make sure that your visiting time remains parenting time. Some parents that are allowed visitation try to live up to this image that they have to be the “fun and outgoing” parent by treating their children to treats, fun dates, and special events. It is best not to overwhelm the child; they also need that time to listen to you get advice and know the dos and don’ts of society. Try not to solely become a friend.
  • You should always try to include your extended family. Family is the most important and basic human need, so it is best that your children not lose touch with their grandparents, cousins, aunts, and uncles on your specific side of the family tree. Make sure you include your extended family with your children so they never lose touch.
  • Make your home their home. Get to know your neighbors and help your children make friends. Set a loose schedule so your children know what to expect. Use checklists, or separate sets of clothes and toiletries, to make sure they have what they need in both places they live.
  • Make age-appropriate schedules. Toddlers and teenagers have different needs. Do the research and make sure your visitation schedule or parenting plan is meeting the emotional needs of your child’s current developmental stage.
  • Respect your former spouse. Let your former spouse know about changes in your schedule and travel plans or if a new babysitter or romantic interest will be with your kids while they are with you. Communicate where you will be while you have the children and decide together how emergencies should be handled.

DON’T

  • You should never associate money with love. It is not recommended that you insert negative thoughts and comments about your spouse into your children’s heads. Try not to let whether or not your spouse has paid their monthly child support payment to determine whether or not they get to spend time with their kids.
  • It is best that you not allow your children to arrange their own visitations. It is the responsibility of the spouses to make sure each child is allotted an equal amount of time to spend with each parent.
  • Try not to let your children put you into unnecessary disagreements with your spouse. If one parent tells a child “no” to something, don’t let the child put you in the middle. It is best to encourage the child to resolve any problems or issues with that specific parent try not to interfere with that.
  • Don’t make the kids into emotional mules. Don’t ask your kids to carry messages to your ex, don’t ask them to spy and don’t subject them to the third degree about every detail of time spent away with the other parent. The more they are able to enjoy their time as kids, with few adult worries, the better.
  • Don’t take your child’s side in disagreements with the other parent. Let your children know they need to resolve problems with their other parent independently and don’t let them pull you into the middle of a dispute — unless you believe they are in danger or you have serious concerns.
  • Don’t feel like you have to handle it all yourself. An experienced family law attorney at Holstrom, Block & Parke in Corona, California, has the knowledge to help you reach a resolution of your custody and visitation legal issues.

Managing Your Child's Technology

It’s a popular opinion that being a parent is the hardest job in the world. So what does that say about co-parenting…? Most people with children who have divorced or separated can attest the challenge that it truly is. It can take the complications to a whole new level. So we’re trying to make co-parenting a little less struggling for our readers here in San Bernardino County with a few tips. This article is brought to you by information shared from child psychologist Dr. Kate Roberts regarding how to manage a child’s use of technology as a divorced parent.

Joint custody is becoming more popular and often there is no “one parent” with primary custody. However, since parents often disagree this can clearly be a challenge. And now we add technology to the equation. In a semi-real way, when parents have different rules about technology use, kids can be switching from feeding their technology addiction to going through withdrawals when they switch households.

If you have different tech rules for your child than your ex does, here are a few tips:

  1. Accept the fact that you can’t control what happens at your ex’s house. It’s not your house and you don’t make the rules there, so stop trying.
  2. Focus on staying consistent under your own roof. If you stick to a policy, your kids will start to understand that that’s the way it is when they’re in your home.
  3. Expect your kids to pushback and struggle with your rules if they are stricter than your ex’s limits for the kids. They’ll want to get you to bend on your standards, but if you stay firm they’ll eventually accept it as fact.
  4. Don’t try to justify yourself, explain why your rules are right and why your ex’s are wrong. It’s not an argument worth having or one you’re guaranteed to win, so simply state that your rules are different than their mom/dad’s and leave it at that.

Children and 'the Tender Years Doctrine'

In child custody cases, most courts are bound to make their decision based on their assessment of what lies in the best interest of the child – whether single custody with the mother, the father, or some form of joint custody.

In most cases, before any evidence is presented, both the mother and father are seen as having an equal right to custody. Sometimes, depending on the age of the child, the judge may take the child’s own preferences into account.

The Tender Years Doctrine is a legal principle which has existed in family law since the late nineteenth century.

This doctrine gradually was adopted in the United States after first appearing in English courts in 1839, presumes that during a child’s tender years from the age of thirteen and under, the mother should have custody of the child. The doctrine often arises in divorce proceedings.

There was a time when mothers came to be seen as having a special ability to nurture their pre-teenaged children. Fathers would leave the house in the early morning and go to work, returning at night – often after the children had been put to bed.

Mothers, on the other hand, did not work; they were home with their children all day or taking them to school, picking them up in the afternoon, or engaging in other activities with them. Awarding a child to a father was almost unheard of.

By 1920, a father who wished to contend for custody of his child would have to demonstrate that the mother was unfit. During the latter part of the 20th century, as a father’s rights movement developed and gender roles began rapidly evolving, the courts began applying the principal of “best interest of the child” in deciding custody cases.

Mothers no longer could argue that their bond with their children was closer than their husbands because now mothers held jobs outside of the house also. Courts began to argue that favoring mother over father in custody cases conflicts with the Equal Protection Clause of the 14th Amendment of the Constitution.

Although the Tender Years Doctrine is no longer legally applied in courts, many feel that a bias still exists toward granting custody to mothers rather than fathers, and that fathers still face an uphill battle in seeking sole custody of their children.

If you are a parent, chances are your children are the most important thing in your life. Very few relationships have the emotional attachment that parent-child relationships do.

If you are facing a child custody issue, contact the Family Law offices of Holstrom, Block & Parke. When it comes to your children, our attorneys realize the importance of the situation your family is facing and every measure will be taken to come up with a resolution that will suit your family.

Contact one of our offices, located in San Bernardino, Riverside, and Orange Counties.

Divorce and Special Needs Children

Obtaining a divorce is complicated enough, but if you have children, it becomes more difficult. And, if one of those children has special needs, the challenges rise to an entirely different level. Parents have more difficulty establishing a parenting plan, it becomes much harder determining who will be the primary caregiver to their child because it becomes an issue of life long medical needs, personal care, special schooling with tutoring, all with high expenses. Have a Family Law attorney help establish a child custody agreement, this is favored because a judge doesn’t know more than the parents themselves about the child’s needs and what would be in their best interest. By having this prior it ensure that your child will have an easier transition as the divorce process continues.

It is important, for you as the custodial parent, to work together with your ex-spouse to minimize the damage that can affect your child. Review your parenting plan or visitation schedule carefully because it may not work for a child with emotional issues. For example, a special needs child often finds it difficult to deal with change, such as overnight stays in a new environment. They may not understand that they will see the other parent again.

Putting a child in the middle of parental tension is never a good thing and it’s particularly bad to do this with a child who may not fully understand what is happening. Think of the damage you can do to your child. Is playing games with your ex worth that?

Parents often don’t agree on certain issues when it comes to caring and raising their child, especially when it comes to medical care. Parents must prioritize and make sure they can agree on the most important medical issues and maybe give a little on optional matters of less importance.

In addition, child support will probably be an issue. The court may go beyond the standard child support guidelines and order that child support be paid into the child’s adulthood and include:

  • physical, occupational and speech therapy
  • special schools
  • tutoring
  • medication

It is important for your child to understand the changes going on around his or her life.

Some tips include:

  • Using a special calendar to highlight the days that he or she will spend with the other parent
  • Encourage daily communication whenever possible with the other parent
  • Explore technologies such as speed dial to make it easy for your child to call his or her other parent
  • Make sure your ex attends all birthdays and holiday celebrations

There is no doubt divorce affects the lives of children. With very few exceptions, divorcing couples with the help of their attorneys can and should agree on the issues of custody and visitation.

Contact the Family Law offices of Holstrom, Block & Parke and let us help you arrive at a plan that works for everyone in your family. We have offices in Riverside, San Bernardino and Orange Counties for your convenience. Click here for all contact information.

About Dayn Holstrom

Dayn Holstrom is a hard working, compassionate problem solver who welcomes the opportunity to serve you in any way he can. His maximum availability to your questions and concerns begins with your free initial consultation. He is well-seasoned in all matters related to family law and a skilled negotiator and litigator.

Report Child Abuse & Neglect

In order to help an abused or neglected child you must first recognize the signs of child abuse and neglect.

A single bruise is not always a sign that the child has been abused. Take a look at the following possible signs and see if you recognize any of them on a child you know:

  • Lacks adult supervision
  • Changes in behavior at home and school
  • Medical conditions go untreated
  • Hard time concentrating
  • Always looking around and over his or her shoulder
  • Gets to school early, stays late and does not want to go home

If you suspect your child or a child you know is being abused or neglected, report it to authorities immediately.

Any child who is being abused or neglected needs to be removed from home, and given the chance to live in a loving non abusive alternative. The parents of the child will lose their parental right, guardianship is then awarded to a family member, or the child is taken to CPS and placed with a foster family.

Having a Family Law attorney can help get everything organized, there can be one assigned to the child directly, at times this attorney s given guardianship of the child, serving two roles, ultimately the goal is to ensure the child has a safe home preferably with another family member, going to school, therapy is recommended also.

If any child is ever abused or neglected make sure that they are represented by a Family Law firm that understands the sensitivity, and traumatic this can be for any child. At Holstrom, Block & Parke, our attorneys have the experience, and the resources needed to ensure every child suffering abuse or neglect is safe again. Holstrom, Block & Parke Family Law Attorneys protect the rights of all children.

Contact Riverside’s top child attorneys, providing legal service for all children and providing loyal, confidential, and competent aggressive representation. Call us for a free no obligation consultation.

Adoption vs. Guardianship

There are major differences in the rights and responsibilities between being a guardian and fully adopting a child.

While one gives an individual the responsibility to act as a temporary parent of a child, the otherpermanently relinquishes the rights and responsibilities of a child’s biological parents.

It is important to understand these differences if you are considering either one of these legal processes because the smallest mistake can completely change a child’s life.

In a Guardianship:

  • The biological parent is still afforded parental rights and are allowed contact with the child
  • If the parent becomes capable of caring for the child again, a guardianship can be terminated
  • The court can require supervision of guardians

A legal guardian assumes all responsibilities that a parent would have, including providing financial and emotional support for the child and consent to medical treatment if necessary – in addition to all the basic necessities required to survive on a day-to-day basis.

In an Adoption:

  • The biological parent’s rights permanently end
  • The relationship between the adoptive parent(s) and child is permanent
  • The law regards the adoptive child as it would a biological child of the family
  • The adoptive child is eligible to inherit from the adoptive parent(s)
  • There is no court supervision over adoptive families

With the adoption process, both legal custody and legal responsibilities are transferred from the biological parents to the adoptive parents. The biological parents of the child lose all of their rights and responsibilities.

The most important difference between guardianship and adoption is that guardianship can be temporary and is often reevaluated periodically to ensure the child’s best interests are being taken care of, while adoption is a permanent legal transference of custody.

If you have questions regarding either one of these processes, contact the family law offices ofHolstrom, Block & Parke. We are experienced and knowledgeable in child custody cases and can guide you through the adoption or guardianship process while ensuring that your legal rights are protected. We are committed to fighting for you.

Call us today at one of our offices located in San Bernardino, Riverside, or Orange County or, contact us online.

I Miss Seeing My Children

You’re going through a divorce and your life is a total mess now – filled with a lot of stress and emotions. However, the one great thing that came out of your marriage is your children – now, for all practical reasons, they too are gone.

When you go through a divorce, you not only have to deal with the emotional trauma of splitting with your spouse, but you have to cope with losing the day-to-day relationship you have with your children.

Sometimes couples stay together because the dad can’t stand the idea of becoming separated from his children. Do I have to tell you how unhealthy it is to stay in a relationship where you and your spouse are destroying one another?

When you’re a parent going through a divorce, your number one priority often lies with how your children’s lives will be changed.

After a divorce, children are typically sent back and forth between their mother’s and father’s homes. The actual time varies, depending on the type of custody that was awarded in a court order.

In case you aren’t aware, you have a legal right to have a meaningful relationship with your children – even if you are no longer with their mother.

Are you a dad who is having trouble seeing your children since your divorce? Is your ex-spouse using your children as a means to punish you for leaving? Has your ex become so hostile that she’s only allowing you to see your children every other weekend – sometimes less?

Your ex might think she is justified to do this because you left, but she isn’t. You’re still paying child support – never stopped paying child support – but you want to see your children as often as possible.

What about if your ex decides to move away? About 20 percent of custodial mothers find an excuse to do just that – leaving the father to see his children only a few times a year. You end up being the father who had daily close contact with your children to a father who is out of the loop with your children.

It’s in the children’s best interests to have both parents present during their lives, but sometimes personal disagreements can get in the way of this. We have seen many parents use their children as pawns simply to get back at the other parent. This is unfortunate because not having a relationship with a parent can affect the child’s life.

Do you find yourself in this situation? If so, contact the Family Law offices of Holstrom, Block & Parke.Our firm can help preserve your rights and make sure your children do not miss out on having a relationship with their father.

We are conveniently located in Orange, San Bernardino, and Riverside Counties. Call our offices for a free consultation to discuss your case with us.

Children After A Divorce

The care, stability and protection of your children are critical issues involved in every divorce case.

When two people are married and have children, they both share the custody and responsibility of raising these children. However, if the same two people divorce, the custody of their children is divided. The time shared can be split 50/50, 60/40, or another way. The parties can agree to a time-share or can allow the court to determine one, based on the best interests of the children.

When the court makes the determination, it looks at numerous factors, including who took care of the children most of the time, who took them to school and helped them with school work, who took them to the doctor and dentist, and who cooked for them.

The care of the children after a divorce is the most ongoing source of conflict for parents. Courts, most of the time, will honor a custody agreement reached by the parents. However, if they cannot come to an agreement, the court will request the parents to participate in a mandatory mediation session. If they still cannot agree on custody, the court will do so for them.

There are several types of custody arrangements:

  • Physical custody – gives the parent or both parents the rights and responsibilities for the daily activities of their children. The children live with the parent or parents who is awarded physical custody.
  • Legal custody – gives the parent or both parents the rights and responsibilities to make major decisions regarding their children’s upbringing – including medical care, education, religion, and day-to-day activities.
  • Joint custody – Under California Family Code Sections 3080 through 3089, both parents can be awarded joint legal custody and joint physical custody. Joint custody allows both parents to share the responsibility for making major decisions. They must be able to work together.
  • Visitation – The most common schedule allows the non-custodial parent to see his or her children one night during the week, every other weekend, and part of the summer vacation.
  • Holidays and special dates usually alternate between the parents.

California courts most of the time favor joint legal and joint physical custody. It is best for both parents to be completely involved in the upbringing of their children; it is best for the children as well.

Custody is addressed throughout the divorce process in the following ways:

  • Temporary hearing – The court issues an order regarding the legal aspects of the relationship between the two parties. It will issue a temporary custody solution if one hasn’t been agreed on.
  • Mediation – is required if there are conflicts regarding the arrangement. The mediator meets with the parents and children several times and helps resolve the issues the family is facing. The mediator then sends a report to the court with custody recommendations
  • Evaluation – by a court-appointed psychologist is ordered if an agreement cannot be reached prior to trial. The evaluation includes discussions with the parents, children and teachers. It must be completed before the court enters a final custody determination.
  • Trial – Final custody arrangements are determined at the trial – based on the best interests of the children.

If a parent wants to change the court-ordered custody and visitation agreement, he or she must show a significant change in circumstances has occurred before requesting a custody modification.

When faced with uncertainties, an experienced family lawyer will give you the personal attention you need at a stressful time such as this. Call the Family Law offices of Holstrom, Block & Parke, located in San Bernardino, Riverside, and Orange Counties.

As experienced family attorneys, we always remind parents to focus on being the best parent possible. We will make a commitment to you and help you take positive steps towards the future.

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The information on this website is for general information purposes only. Nothing on this site should be taken as legal advice for any individual case or situation. This information is not intended to create, and receipt or viewing does not constitute, an attorney-client relationship.