Setting Boundaries During a Divorce Can Save you Money

By James R. Parke

Going through a divorce? Then you know attorney’s fees can be expensive.

Do you want to save 70% on your attorney's fees? It really is nothing more than learning to set boundaries with your soon-to-be former spouse.

Focus on the Things You Can Control

It is often said that a divorce proceeding is 70% psychological and 30% legal. That being said, if you want to save on your fees, focus on that area which you can control: the psychological aspects of your divorce.

One of the main causes of high attorney's fees is a client's inability to deal with the other spouse's manipulation, be it real or imagined. If you want to limit certain types of fees, learn to control the "psychological" aspect of your case.

How do you do that? It's very simple. You must learn to set boundaries. For those who would like to learn more about this concept from an original source, read the book, "Boundaries" by co-authors Henry Cloud and John Townsend.

What you will learn from this book, among many other very useful tips, is that nobody can dictate to you how you feel, speak, or think. That is up to you, that is if you learn how to set boundaries.

What are "boundaries" and how do you set them? Boundaries are not walls or physical barriers, rather, it is simply the ability to self-define. If you do not want your former spouse calling you names, sending you on "guilt" trips, or trying to manipulate you to reconcile, then learn how to say "No" and then set consequences for those times in which the "No" is not honored.

For example, if you are on the telephone with your former spouse who is berating you, instead of angrily hanging up the phone, which will leave you angry, simply tell him/her that you will not be spoken to in that manner so you are ending the call, and then end the call. Here's a news flash: you do not have to stay on the phone with and be berated, and you do not have to take the return calls. In fact, you do not have to take any of the calls until the "berater" learns how to communicate in a calm, civil, and reasonable manner.

When you take care of the problem with your "boundaries", you do not have to call your attorney to have your expensive legal counsel call the other attorney. The result of creating boundaries results in savings for you in attorney fees, as well as, self-empowerment.

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