There are few things more frustrating than finding out that your ex-husband is dating a friend of yours. Is it really the biggest deal in the world? YES! (No, it’s not.) But we know that it can be tough to deal with.

You can go from feeling betrayed, hurt, dumb, insignificant, not good enough, and many other emotions all because your ex, who is now single, is dating your single friend. Once they break up you’ll probably realize that it was dumb how much time and energy you spent thinking about their relationship, but here are some tips from DivorcedGirlSmiling’s Jackie Pilossoph that will help get you there sooner:

What they’re doing is breaking the “friend code” according to most people. So it’s not you who should feel bad—if anyone, it’s them. And they probably will. And if they don’t, they may not be the best of friends.

They’re dating because it’s forbidden fruit. Most people know not to cross that boundary, and it’s only lasting because it’s scandalous and exciting. Their boring lives needed that excitement, but it will soon fade and it will be over.

Be bigger. Show grace, class, and elegance. People will look to you to see how you respond. The bigger the person you can be, the better you’ll look and the better you’ll feel.

Call your REAL friends. They’ll side with you, make you feel better and take your mind off it.

You do you. Focus on YOUR life. You’ve been given the chance to re-do, rebuild and start over. Take this time and energy to find you a new man/woman and be the best you possible. Wasting that energy on them is pointless.

About Dayn Holstrom

Dayn Holstrom is a hard working, compassionate problem solver who welcomes the opportunity to serve you in any way he can. His maximum availability to your questions and concerns begins with your free initial consultation. He is well-seasoned in all matters related to family law and a skilled negotiator and litigator.

Most people marry with “forever” intentions, but it doesn’t always turn out that way. So much for “till death do us part.” Did you know that today, more Americans aged 50+ are divorced than widowed? Recovering from a divorce after a long marriage can be unpleasant and emotional, to say the least. Imagine, all those years invested in the wrong person! You’ve been embroiled in an unhappy marriage, but it’s finally over and you can restart your life. So, you want to know how to save yourself and still keep your self-esteem. Starting out with the right attitude is imperative. You have much to feel good about, such as your health, your children, and even perhaps your home.

The following steps just might get you back to your real self again:

1. Find your strength – Do whatever it takes: exercise every day, stretch, work out, take a walk. You’ll be a new person once you learn to walk with confidence and strength. When you feel differently about yourself, you’ll make better choices.
2. Sometimes just doing something symbolic will create the feeling that you have left your former life behind you – you have moved on to a new start.
3. Learn something new. Challenge yourself physically and mentally in order to feel alive again. Your best years are not behind you – they are in front of you. How many times have you thought that someday, when you have the opportunity, you’re going to do that one thing you always wished for, but never had the time to pursue. Now is the time!

Tips for Grandparents Going Through Divorce

We’re all told that the first few years of marriage are the most difficult, but that’s not stopping couples from calling it quits many years later. Divorce among those over the age of 50 has more than doubled since the 90’s, now affecting 1 in 4 marriages! There are countless articles or groups that parents can turn to for divorce support. What about grandparents? If you have a close relationship with your grandchildren, you can bet they’ll be affected by your divorce.

Family therapist Marie Hartwell-Walker, Ed.D. recently wrote a few tips for grandparents going through a divorce or separation that we’ve shared below:

• Unlike children, grandchildren usually don’t live with you and therefore won’t be aware of the daily struggles you’ve been facing as a couple. Keep in mind that it may be entirely shocking to them.
• Children can be immature and selfish, because they’re children. Don’t be surprised if their first questions relate to how it will affect them.
• Don’t ask people to take sides. This can be especially complicated at an older age when your kids have families of their own. But try to keep things peaceful and don’t create factions within the extended family.
• Don’t marginalize all relationships. Your grandkids may have looked to you as an example of a lasting marriage. Don’t make remarks that will make them think no marriage lasts, even jokingly. Remind them that just because your marriage didn’t work out until the end, doesn’t mean theirs can’t or won’t.
• Stay close to your grandkids. You offer a unique kind of love and a special relationship that shouldn’t be compromised because you’re now divorced.

Divorce After 50: Unique Issues Older Couples Face

According to United States Divorce Statistics released in 2012, an estimated 50 percent of marriages end in divorce. Every day someone is dealing with divorce and the complications both emotional and physical that come of them. However, have you ever considered the issues that older couples face (age 50+) face when the decision to divorce is made?

Needless to say, not everything runs smoothly. There are a lot of different things to think about and consider. For example, if either spouse is receiving Social Security benefits, they cannot be equally divided in a divorce. However, there are certain rules and regulations that can help contribute towards your benefits if you were married for at least ten years.

If you are over the age of 62, you can collect benefits following a divorce on your former spouse’s record without receiving a reduction in benefits to your former spouse. After divorce, each spouse would have to provide his or her own individual health insurance. COBRA laws allow for the previous spouse employer-provided insurance plan for 36 months following a divorce, however it can be really expensive.

Aside of all of the logistics of health insurance and benefits, divorcing at such an age with years of marriage under your belt can be really tough. Since you have basically spent most of your life that person, the idea of beginning a new life without them can be really scary and hard to think about. But having a good support group around you and family divorce lawyer can help make that journey a little less difficult.

Get the guidance and clarity from an experienced and prestigious law firm, schedule a consultation, and aggressively represent you protecting your rights.

Do you want to get divorced? Are you asking yourself, “Should I stay or should I go?”

The decision to divorce is critical, with lifelong consequences. If you are still contemplating divorce, you should determine what may or may not lie ahead. As you continue to contemplate divorce and board the emotional roller coaster of deciding whether or not to end your marriage, you should first recognize that divorce doesn’t just happen overnight – it starts with the mere notion of separation – maybe after an argument or several disagreements relating to your parenting skills.

One of the toughest parts of going through the back-and-forth in your head is not knowing much about divorce or not knowing what comes next. By preparing for a divorce before it actually happens, you can reduce much of the stress and conflict that many people face when they start the divorce process. Planning ahead allows you to make sound decisions and start preparing for your life after divorce, as well as helping you to avoid some of the post-divorce issues.

You need to come up with a plan. Determine a fair and realistic list of goals so that you can determine what you want out of the divorce. When the idea of separating becomes more real, it may be time to contact an attorney to discuss the steps of the divorce process.

Contact Holstrom, Block & Parke. We’ll help you establish a game plan.

Planning for Your Divorce

There are a number of things you should do now before you begin legal proceedings. We help clients organize their personal and professional finances before they begin the divorce process. Pre-divorce planning is recommended for married parties of all incomes. It is time to get organized. The more prepared you are with your assets, debts, and income, the sooner you can enter the family law process of dissolving your marriage. To schedule an initial consultation with a divorce planning lawyer, contact us. Divorce is a systematic process that requires documentation of important financial information, estate planning documents, and more. By gathering these documents now, you can save time further along in the process.Your pre-divorce planning may include:

• Organizing assets and debts
• Budgeting
• Gathering appropriate financial documents
• Identify your separate versus community property

Couples with children should think about establishing a temporary child custody arrangement that will stay in effect until child custody is determined by the court. Effective pre-divorce planning can help you plan for your future financial needs and those of your family. The courts do not typically have the authority to give orders for necessities like rent, food, and utilities. With proper pre-divorce planning, we can help you establish how these important daily needs will be taken care of.

We can help you determine your options in a variety of matter. In the event that the other spouse is not cooperating, we can assist you in mapping out important decisions about your future. Answers to such things as where you are going to live or what car you will drive can become very problematic if your spouse it unwilling to cooperate with you. Guidance from our attorneys is critical if you are facing tough practical questions about your life during and after separation and divorce.

The divorce attorneys at Holstrom, Block & Parke understand the deeply personal concerns you are facing. We are committed to providing you with experienced, professional and compassionate personal service. Call us at one of our conveniently located offices today!

Divorce is one of the hardest things that you may ever go through, both emotionally and financially.

While you are focused on your soon-to-be ex-spouse, you shouldn’t forget to keep an eye on another entity that may be after a larger chunk of your assets thanks to your split: The IRS.

Taxes impact nearly every aspect of American life, and divorce is no exception.

It’s often said that there are three parties to a divorce: 1) the husband, 2) the wife, and 3) Uncle Sam. Turns out, divorce has a huge impact on your taxes, and knowing what’s at stake can help you avoid major complications down the road.

While couples negotiate and finalize their divorce, few take time to discuss the tax impact of the decisions they are considering.

Divorce, which is difficult both mentally and emotionally, can be made worse by tax consequences foreseen and unforeseen. Tax consequences often follow every decision made in a divorce, settlement agreement or marital dispute resolution for many years.

Tax consequences are most likely from the distribution of property in a divorce. Two considerations are:

1. Tax consequences which include incomes and deductions of the spouses, numbers of dependents, credits, tax rates, and the amount of tax paid to avoid penalties
2. Legal liabilities, particularly those associated with a married couple filing jointly

Divorce, support and property settlement involves money and property. The wealthier the couple is, the more tax questions and issues come into play in a divorce.

Here are some of the things to keep in mind as you go through the divorce process:

• Filing status – The IRS wants to know your legal marital status as of the end of the year you’re filing for.
• Exemption for children – Who gets to claim exemptions for the children, can make a huge difference to your tax bill.
• Spousal / Child support – Cash payments are deductible by the person who makes them and are counted as income for the person who receives them.
• Retirement accounts – Your spouse may be entitled to part of your IRA or 401(k).
• Property transfers – Neither spouse will realize any capital gain or loss or other tax consequences from receiving or giving up property in a divorce decree.
• Community property – You may be treated as having earned part of your former spouse’s income during the year in which you divorce because California is a community property state.

If you have questions regarding your divorce and tax consequences that may be in store for you, contact the Family Law offices of Holstrom, Block & Parke for the answers you need. Call our offices today and get your settlement done right the first time. We can help you take advantage of the many tax advantages available to divorcing couples, and help you avoid the pitfalls.

Call us today at one of our conveniently located offices in Riverside, San Bernardino or Orange County.

About Dayn Holstrom

Dayn Holstrom is a hard working, compassionate problem solver who welcomes the opportunity to serve you in any way he can. His maximum availability to your questions and concerns begins with your free initial consultation. He is well-seasoned in all matters related to family law and a skilled negotiator and litigator.

Our grandparents got married when they were 18, but that doesn’t mean we should. In fact, studies show that the sooner you get married, the more likely it is you’re headed for divorce. Married at 22 and divorced at 28 is an all too common scenario. And while that may seem awful, we’re sure you’ll learn a lot about yourself in that rollercoaster of a decade.

Susie Moore was divorced in her 20’s and she recently shared the following things that experience taught her:

1. There are no mistakes. Every experience is just that—an experience. And they’re all opportunities to learn and grow. Don’t regret your first marriage- learn from it.
2. Follow your heart. You’ll learn that following your heart, which told you this marriage won’t last forever and ending the marriage, was the smartest decision you could’ve made. Continue down that track and let your heart guide you to make the right decisions in love.
3. The ending can still be happy. A divorce doesn’t have to be horribly bitter and dramatic, leaving you with an enemy for an ex. In fact, divorce can be fairly easy and not leave you feeling empty and lost. Shoot for that.
4. You can always start over. Don’t take another marriage lightly, or any major decision for that matter… but realize that this life is yours to life and you can hit the re-do button almost always if you decide to.
5. You’ll learn a lot about yourself. You might think you were a close to perfect husband or wife, but an early divorce and a chance to re-marry will teach you just how much better you could’ve been. Don’t beat yourself up for it, but learn and grow from that experience. It will help your next relationship be that much stronger.

About Dayn Holstrom

Dayn Holstrom is a hard working, compassionate problem solver who welcomes the opportunity to serve you in any way he can. His maximum availability to your questions and concerns begins with your free initial consultation. He is well-seasoned in all matters related to family law and a skilled negotiator and litigator.

Children look to their parents to help make sense of the world they live in.

For children of any age, divorce can be stressful and confusing. Many children feel uncertain as to their future; some feel angry at the prospect of their mom and dad splitting up – one leaving the household

While parents may be devastated or relieved by the divorce, children are invariably frightened and confused by the threat to their security. Divorce can be misinterpreted by children unless parents tell them what is happening, how they are involved and not involved, and what will happen down the road. Some children even believe they have caused the conflict between their parents.

There are too many children who have experienced the dissolution of their family by the process of divorce. Did you know that 50 percent of children are growing up in a single parent environment? Children need their parents in order for them to develop physically, mentally, and emotionally.

Divorce brings out the worst in people – they make mistakes, they sometimes lie, they resort to buying their love or demeaning the other parent. In their need to move on with their own lives, they may sometimes leave behind their children’s.

It doesn’t have to be this way. As a parent, you can make the process and its effects less painful for your children. Helping your children cope with divorce and attending to all of their needs with a reassuring attitude, means stability for them.

As a parent, it’s normal to feel uncertain about how to give your children the right support during your divorce, but you can do it; you can help your children emerge from it feeling loved, confident, and strong.

These are a few ways to help your children adjust to divorce:

• Have patience
• Give reassurance
• Listen to what your children have to say
• Don’t mess with their daily routines – gives them stability and structure; shows you care
• Try to maintain a friendly relationship with your ex to avoid stress

In California, family law judges place the highest priority on protecting the children’s best interests during divorce. When issues regarding children arise, parents often have a difficult time doing what is truly best for their children’s welfare because they are so angry.

However, with the help of an experienced family law attorney, you can determine what best suits your family situation. Contact the compassionate family attorneys at Holstrom, Block & Parke. We will keep your children’s welfare as the top priority throughout your divorce. Get in touch with us today, and discuss your case.

We have offices in Riverside, Orange and San Bernardino Counties for your convenience.