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Best Place in the World to be a Mother-& the Worst

Mother’s Day is coming up on May 11th, and in preparation the Save the Children organization disclosed its 15th Annual State of the World’s Mothers global report. This report gathers information on women and children in 178 different countries, and includes a Mother’s Index which ranks them in order of best and worst places to be a mother.

Ranking was based on factors including infant mortality rate, gross national income per capital, maternal death rates, and percentage of women involved in politics. The United States didn’t crack the top ten this year, landing at number 31. The U.S. has fallen significantly from number 30 in 2013, and number 25 in 2012. This decrease in the rankings can be boiled down to a few major factors, such as mother and infant death rates, and percentage of women in politics.

Taking a look at the top ten places to be a mother, it’s easy to deduce where the U.S. falls short. Finland takes first place, followed by Norway and Sweden. Scandinavian countries dominated the rankings due in part to their maternal death rate; less than 1 in 12,000 women are affected by maternal death, while women in America face a 1 in 2,400 chance of dying due to pregnancy related causes. This could be attributed to American women dealing with more high-risk pregnancies, because of more cases of hypertension and obesity.

In addition, American children under the age of 5 face a 7.1 in 1,000 risk of death, while the under-5 mortality rate in Finland is only 1 in 345. Statistically speaking, an American child is three times more likely to die before their fifth birthday than a child living in country from the top 3. The rest of the top ten in descending order are Iceland, Netherlands, Denmark, Spain, Germany, Australia, and Belgium. These countries succeed not only in child and maternal health, but also in education of women and response to emergencies and disasters.

Among the worst places to raise a child was Somalia, Democratic Republic of the Congo, and Niger. Majority of the countries in the bottom ten are in the middle of political conflict, which renders the areas unfit for raising children. Healthcare is also a factor in mother and child safety; many children and women die from diseases such as pneumonia, diarrhea, and malnutrition-conditions which are largely preventable.

As a result, the infant death rate in Somalia is 1 in 7, while 1 in 16 women die due to pregnancy related causes. However, all hope is not lost for these countries. Last year, the worst place to be a mother was Afghanistan, but after providing education for female citizens the country rose 30 spots in the ranking and after providing women and children with basic health care, Nepal increased 60 places in the rankings. Bettering mother and child living conditions in these countries seems to rely on improving education and health care for women.

How Men Can Survive Divorce

Women are often favored in courts, whether we want to believe it or not. They’re viewed as the people who primarily raise the children, and the courts are usually more lenient on women.

So what can men do differently? Let’s look at the top five divorce mistakes men are making…

  1. Using children as pawns. When visitation or custody is a threat, it’s common for any loving dad to react powerfully. But don’t respond the same way. Don’t issue threats, and remember that the truth will come out. If you’re a good parent, Holstrom, Block & Parke attorneys will ensure your rights are protected.
  2. The other woman. We know it may seem obvious, but you’d be surprised how many men start dating or sleeping around before they’re actually divorced. It’s dangerous and will create issues for you. Hold off until it’s finalized.
  3. Not hiring an attorney. Your spouse may try to convince you otherwise, but you DO need our help. Look at the outcomes for men who don’t hire attorneys—it’s not pretty.
  4. Being passive. You may want a calm divorce because you simply just don’t want to fight anymore…but this is probably not the time to stop fighting just yet. You should fight for what is yours when it’s important: money, property, your children, your rights.
  5. Embarrassing your spouse. We’ve all seen the wife on TV get served divorced papers in awkward settings. You may find that comical, but it is NOT smart. Don’t add fuel to the fire unless you absolutely need to.

Tips for Guys Going Through a Divorce

AskMen recently posted some tips for guys going through a divorce trying to make it out alive.

They’re useful tips for our friends, so we thought we’d share them here.

  1. Count Your Marriage as a Sunk Cost
    In the finance world a sunk cost is something that’s already been paid and can’t be recovered. It’s natural to continue trying to save your marriage and your relationship, even if deep down you know that it’s no longer healthy and that it will never work. Once you’re sure it won’t work long-term, swallow that fact, accept it, and move on.
  2. Reconnect with Friends 
    You’ll likely lose a handful of friends during a divorce—it’s almost inevitable. So try reconnecting with older friends. Look up friends you didn’t have time to see when you were married. It’s a good opportunity to reestablish a few relationships, ones that may be necessary if you’re struggling being a single man again.
  3. Get a Lawyer 
    Do it now. Many men wait to get an attorney until it’s too late. Unless you have your J.D. you’re not qualified to know how to handle most of these situations. If you don’t want to pull over and ask for directions- fine; but don’t make that mistake in your divorce legal issues.
  4. Indulge 
    Before you were married you probably had many habits that were for single guys only. Now you can get those habits back! Don’t worry about maybe acting a little young for your age at first. That will pass. Let loose and enjoy yourself as a single guy again.
  5. Find a Hobby 
    Is there something you’ve always wanted to do but you didn’t have time? Or maybe your wife didn’t want you to? Now you can! Its healthy to indulge in self-serving practices for a little while when you get divorced, and it will help take your mind off the divorce.

Is One Spouse Required to Take the Other's Surname?

When a couple gets officially married, you are probably used to seeing the woman take her new husband’s surname. And when that occurs, some of you are probably wondering, is that a required thing to do?

The answer to that question is, no. Women are entitled to their maiden name. However, it is generally a tradition or custom to take on the husband’s surname.

Depending on the state you live in, there can be a statutory authority regarding name change upon marriage. In some states, the woman usually has several options. She can use her birth surname, her spouse’s surname, or a combination of both her surname and her spouse’s surname (which is generally hyphenated).

There are, however, a few states that won’t allow a woman those options. When she is married, she is essentially required as a wife to take her husband’s surname.

If a woman would like to take her spouse’s surname, it us not just an easy 1-2-3 step process. Again, depending on the state that you reside in, they will provide a name change procedure for you. Usually, an individual will be required to fill out an application or petition that will be filed with the courts.

The application will ask for general information such as: the legal name, the name the person wishes to take on, birthdate, age, etc. Name change applications generally take a while to be processed, but it is usually very rare that an application is denied. If you have legitimate reasons for wanting to do a name change, your request will likely be granted.

Now you all are probably wondering, what about a divorce? Do I get to keep my surname or do I have to go back to my maiden name? The answer to that question is, it is completely up to you. The woman has the choice of taking back her maiden name or keeping her married surname.

Protecting Kids From Combative Ex

Many people believe that a divorce will end the issues they had in their marriage and life will become easy. Unfortunately, many of those issues are still around if you’re co-parenting and many other issues car arise from trying to deal with your ex. If you’re dealing with a combative ex, you’re going to face challenges. But psychologist Sherrie Campbell offers these tips to deal with the situation:

  1. Brief Communication: keep your conversations with him/her factual and brief. Be thorough enough to communicate what you need to, but don’t be superficial or emotional.
  2. Don’t talk finances. Eliminate money talk with your children altogether. They don’t need to know those details and there’s rarely anything they can do about it, so keep that stress above their heads.
  3. Privacy: try to communicate via email. Keep your lives separate and keep your children away from someone that may be emotionally harmful to them.
  4. Respecting schedules: stick to the custodial schedule. Try not to switch weekends or ask your ex for a “favor.” You don’t want to owe him/her anything and you want your kids to have consistency.
  5. Remove tension for the kids: If you and your ex can’t be in the same room without drama, don’t go. Or figure out a way to support your kids to the best of your ability without high-tension environments.
  6. You do you. Worry about your own life and let your ex be free to live as he/she wishes. Mind your own business but mindful or your child’s emotions.

About Dayn Holstrom

Dayn Holstrom is a hard working, compassionate problem solver who welcomes the opportunity to serve you in any way he can. His maximum availability to your questions and concerns begins with your free initial consultation. He is well-seasoned in all matters related to family law and a skilled negotiator and litigator.

Custody Evaluation Process

Bickering between spouses during a divorce is common, and also not being able to reach an agreement. If you and your former spouse let your emotions get the best of you and are unable to reach a custody agreement, you may need to order a custody evaluation.

A custody evaluation is a process where a mental health professional, could be a psychologist, evaluates the spouse, the children, and the former spouse to create a custody and visitation recommendation to the court. However, depending on where you live, custody evaluations can get really expensive. Some evaluations can cost up to several thousands of dollars, however some courts have lower-cost alternatives. Although the court usually orders this evaluation, the couple that is divorcing is usually the required couple left to cover the costs.

The process of a custody evaluation process can be simply. An evaluator is simply working to make a determination of what are in the best interests for the child. So after that simple objective, the steps from there can get a little bit tedious. The mental health professional conducts about 2-3 interviews with both the parents

Concerned with how the custody process in your divorce will be determined? Get a second look at your divorce and custody settlement. Ensure that the Family Law and Divorce Law Firm you speak to provides you with all the options available to you and that you understand how the entire process will be handled.

Aggressive representation from your trusting family law attorney. It makes all the difference in the outcome of your case, contact an attorney today for more information on child custody modification, or if you want to start filing a claim.

Common Divorce Mistakes to Aviod

A divorce can be an overwhelming experience, and the last thing you want to worry about is what not to do. However, people make mistakes all the time and it is best to educate yourself and having a great legal team by your side to help guide you along the way is what we are here for. Hopefully, after reading this you will be able to learn about some big mistakes people often make during the divorce process and how to avoid those in futures to come.

Making decisions without fully understanding the implications is a common mistake spouses tend to make. When you file for a divorce, it is important that you understand that assets will have to be divided among both spouses evenly. If you have children, the responsibilities of providing for them will have to be delegated, etc. If you do not fully understand and have control through every step of your divorce, those are permanent decisions you will have to live with.

Beyond that, seven of the worst divorce mistakes to make include the following:

  1. Forcing your children to take your side – never use your children as pawns in the process; always remind them that both parents love them
  2. Don’t be short-sighted about things, such as the television of DVD collection
  3. Your attorney is not your therapist – keep in mind the money you are spending while you complain to him or her
  4. Don’t be nonchalant when it comes to your divorce – no need to call your attorney hourly or even daily, but it’s good to stay on top of your case in a reasonable manner. Rather than constant calls, request a weekly e-mail update.
  5. Don’t scratch mediation off your list – give it a try; what do you have to lose? You may be able to settle all of your issues without a judge doing it for you.
  6. Never bad-mouth your spouse to your children – this person will always be your children’s mom or dad – regardless of your relationship with that person.
  7. Rebound relationships are not healthy – even though you feel you need the comfort or emotional connection with another party, refrain because you are not ready to give another person what they deserve in a relationship.

Dvorce is one of the most common issues in Family Law. It can be simple, fast, and amicable or contentious, complicated, and lengthy. Each divorce has its own circumstances and factors to deal with. If you are thinking about a divorce in Southern California, you will want a family attorney who has experience in helping spouses resolve their differences and who can represent you in the courtroom should your case be required to go to trial. At the family law offices of Holstrom, Block & Parke you will find divorce attorneys who are fully versed in all of the legal aspects of divorce and will ensure that your legal rights are fully protected and that your voice is heard. Call us today!

Child Custody & Visitation: Do's and Don'ts

One thing divorce doesn’t change is you being a parent. No matter what kind of co-parenting plan you and your ex-spouse create, whether it’s traditional or flexible, temporary or permanent, you can make the time you spend with your children pleasant and productive. The experienced Orange County family law attorneys at Holstrom, Block & Parke can answer any questions you may have about you child custody arrangements and is an ideal source for reliable legal counsel. The following are some hints on making the most of your time with your children — and making the transitions easier on them.

DO

  • You should always be prompt and on time. If you give the spouse or child a specific time that you will be arriving to pick him/her up, visit, whichever the case may be you to always live up to your word. This will help relieve the stress for children trying to adjust to their parents no longer living in the same home.
  • Make sure that your visiting time remains parenting time. Some parents that are allowed visitation try to live up to this image that they have to be the “fun and outgoing” parent by treating their children to treats, fun dates, and special events. It is best not to overwhelm the child; they also need that time to listen to you get advice and know the dos and don’ts of society. Try not to solely become a friend.
  • You should always try to include your extended family. Family is the most important and basic human need, so it is best that your children not lose touch with their grandparents, cousins, aunts, and uncles on your specific side of the family tree. Make sure you include your extended family with your children so they never lose touch.
  • Make your home their home. Get to know your neighbors and help your children make friends. Set a loose schedule so your children know what to expect. Use checklists, or separate sets of clothes and toiletries, to make sure they have what they need in both places they live.
  • Make age-appropriate schedules. Toddlers and teenagers have different needs. Do the research and make sure your visitation schedule or parenting plan is meeting the emotional needs of your child’s current developmental stage.
  • Respect your former spouse. Let your former spouse know about changes in your schedule and travel plans or if a new babysitter or romantic interest will be with your kids while they are with you. Communicate where you will be while you have the children and decide together how emergencies should be handled.

DON’T

  • You should never associate money with love. It is not recommended that you insert negative thoughts and comments about your spouse into your children’s heads. Try not to let whether or not your spouse has paid their monthly child support payment to determine whether or not they get to spend time with their kids.
  • It is best that you not allow your children to arrange their own visitations. It is the responsibility of the spouses to make sure each child is allotted an equal amount of time to spend with each parent.
  • Try not to let your children put you into unnecessary disagreements with your spouse. If one parent tells a child “no” to something, don’t let the child put you in the middle. It is best to encourage the child to resolve any problems or issues with that specific parent try not to interfere with that.
  • Don’t make the kids into emotional mules. Don’t ask your kids to carry messages to your ex, don’t ask them to spy and don’t subject them to the third degree about every detail of time spent away with the other parent. The more they are able to enjoy their time as kids, with few adult worries, the better.
  • Don’t take your child’s side in disagreements with the other parent. Let your children know they need to resolve problems with their other parent independently and don’t let them pull you into the middle of a dispute — unless you believe they are in danger or you have serious concerns.
  • Don’t feel like you have to handle it all yourself. An experienced family law attorney at Holstrom, Block & Parke in Corona, California, has the knowledge to help you reach a resolution of your custody and visitation legal issues.

Can I get an Inexpensive Divorce?

Marriage is still very popular today, but sadly so is divorce. Half of all marriages end in divorce today.

Anyone who has had to pay for the wedding and/or the divorce knows it can be pretty expensive.

You have alternatives to keeping the costs down. You can use a trained mediator who will draw up a proposed divorce settlement which you can take to a lawyer to check out for you. Or, you can do virtually everything yourself. You and your spouse can draw up an agreement, which can be looked over by a lawyer before submitting to the court.

All in all, working with a lawyer could be the best way for you to proceed with your divorce. An experienced divorce lawyer who cares about your welfare may help you win the best possible settlement. However, not every divorce is the same. If you and your spouse have a reasonable relationship despite opting for divorce and you are able to communicate with one another, you could significantly reduce the cost of your divorce.

In addition, aside from lawyer fees, time in court is also costly.

In many instances each spouse hires a lawyer who goes after the other person. They may dig up dirt on you and paint you as a very bad person. They use vindictive behavior to win their case. Not all lawyers are like that. Some aim to achieve the best result for their client without attacking their opponent’s client. These lawyers can be much cheaper because they spend less time attacking and more time negotiating.

By following these tips, you, too, can keep the costs down in your divorce:

  • If at all possible, aim for an uncontested divorce
  • Prepare and spend time making your case
  • Avoid litigation completely
  • Keep the lines of communication open, even if it requires a third party to help do so
  • Make a financial check list, including bank accounts, pension plans, medical insurance, financial investments, assets, debts, etc.

Your divorce can be as expensive or as cheap as you make it. No one wants to add a huge bill to the trauma of a divorce proceeding.

An experienced divorce lawyer could be the best way to handle your divorce,schedule a consultation today, and get all your questions answer, an a walk through of the entire divorce process.

My Ex is Dating My Friend!

There are few things more frustrating than finding out that your ex-husband is dating a friend of yours. Is it really the biggest deal in the world? YES! (No, it’s not.) But we know that it can be tough to deal with.

You can go from feeling betrayed, hurt, dumb, insignificant, not good enough, and many other emotions all because your ex, who is now single, is dating your single friend. Once they break up you’ll probably realize that it was dumb how much time and energy you spent thinking about their relationship, but here are some tips from DivorcedGirlSmiling’s Jackie Pilossoph that will help get you there sooner:

What they’re doing is breaking the “friend code” according to most people. So it’s not you who should feel bad—if anyone, it’s them. And they probably will. And if they don’t, they may not be the best of friends.

They’re dating because it’s forbidden fruit. Most people know not to cross that boundary, and it’s only lasting because it’s scandalous and exciting. Their boring lives needed that excitement, but it will soon fade and it will be over.

Be bigger. Show grace, class, and elegance. People will look to you to see how you respond. The bigger the person you can be, the better you’ll look and the better you’ll feel.

Call your REAL friends. They’ll side with you, make you feel better and take your mind off it.

You do you. Focus on YOUR life. You’ve been given the chance to re-do, rebuild and start over. Take this time and energy to find you a new man/woman and be the best you possible. Wasting that energy on them is pointless.

About Dayn Holstrom

Dayn Holstrom is a hard working, compassionate problem solver who welcomes the opportunity to serve you in any way he can. His maximum availability to your questions and concerns begins with your free initial consultation. He is well-seasoned in all matters related to family law and a skilled negotiator and litigator.

Surviving Divorce After 50

Most people marry with “forever” intentions, but it doesn’t always turn out that way. So much for “till death do us part.” Did you know that today, more Americans aged 50+ are divorced than widowed? Recovering from a divorce after a long marriage can be unpleasant and emotional, to say the least. Imagine, all those years invested in the wrong person! You’ve been embroiled in an unhappy marriage, but it’s finally over and you can restart your life. So, you want to know how to save yourself and still keep your self-esteem. Starting out with the right attitude is imperative. You have much to feel good about, such as your health, your children, and even perhaps your home.

The following steps just might get you back to your real self again:

  1. Find your strength – Do whatever it takes: exercise every day, stretch, work out, take a walk. You’ll be a new person once you learn to walk with confidence and strength. When you feel differently about yourself, you’ll make better choices.
  2. Sometimes just doing something symbolic will create the feeling that you have left your former life behind you – you have moved on to a new start.
  3. Learn something new. Challenge yourself physically and mentally in order to feel alive again. Your best years are not behind you – they are in front of you. How many times have you thought that someday, when you have the opportunity, you’re going to do that one thing you always wished for, but never had the time to pursue. Now is the time!

Tips for Grandparents Going Through Divorce

We’re all told that the first few years of marriage are the most difficult, but that’s not stopping couples from calling it quits many years later. Divorce among those over the age of 50 has more than doubled since the 90’s, now affecting 1 in 4 marriages! There are countless articles or groups that parents can turn to for divorce support. What about grandparents? If you have a close relationship with your grandchildren, you can bet they’ll be affected by your divorce.

Family therapist Marie Hartwell-Walker, Ed.D. recently wrote a few tips for grandparents going through a divorce or separation that we’ve shared below:

  • Unlike children, grandchildren usually don’t live with you and therefore won’t be aware of the daily struggles you’ve been facing as a couple. Keep in mind that it may be entirely shocking to them.
  • Children can be immature and selfish, because they’re children. Don’t be surprised if their first questions relate to how it will affect them.
  • Don’t ask people to take sides. This can be especially complicated at an older age when your kids have families of their own. But try to keep things peaceful and don’t create factions within the extended family.
  • Don’t marginalize all relationships. Your grandkids may have looked to you as an example of a lasting marriage. Don’t make remarks that will make them think no marriage lasts, even jokingly. Remind them that just because your marriage didn’t work out until the end, doesn’t mean theirs can’t or won’t.
  • Stay close to your grandkids. You offer a unique kind of love and a special relationship that shouldn’t be compromised because you’re now divorced.

Divorce After 50: Unique Issues Older Couples Face

According to United States Divorce Statistics released in 2012, an estimated 50 percent of marriages end in divorce. Every day someone is dealing with divorce and the complications both emotional and physical that come of them. However, have you ever considered the issues that older couples face (age 50+) face when the decision to divorce is made?

Needless to say, not everything runs smoothly. There are a lot of different things to think about and consider. For example, if either spouse is receiving Social Security benefits, they cannot be equally divided in a divorce. However, there are certain rules and regulations that can help contribute towards your benefits if you were married for at least ten years.

If you are over the age of 62, you can collect benefits following a divorce on your former spouse’s record without receiving a reduction in benefits to your former spouse. After divorce, each spouse would have to provide his or her own individual health insurance. COBRA laws allow for the previous spouse employer-provided insurance plan for 36 months following a divorce, however it can be really expensive.

Aside of all of the logistics of health insurance and benefits, divorcing at such an age with years of marriage under your belt can be really tough. Since you have basically spent most of your life that person, the idea of beginning a new life without them can be really scary and hard to think about. But having a good support group around you and family divorce lawyer can help make that journey a little less difficult.

Get the guidance and clarity from an experienced and prestigious law firm, schedule a consultation, and aggressively represent you protecting your rights.

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