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To Keep my Divorce Attorney, or to Find a New One

Finding the right lawyer for you during a divorce is so important. You need someone you can depend on, and someone who understands your goals. This can be a difficult search, and if you find that this lawyer is not what you expected, finding a new one can be even more difficult.

If possible you should stay with one attorney throughout the entire divorce proceedings. Changing lawyers can be costly in time, stress, and money. Nevertheless, if you discover that this person is not dependable, nor trustworthy, get a new lawyer.

Here are some tell-tale signs that perhaps this attorney is not the best one for you are:

  1. Gives you cookie cutter answers – such as, “This is the way it’s done”, or “Oh, they always do that.” These answers exemplify a lawyer who is not interested in your case; he/she is just out for the money.
  2. Takes no responsibility – Constantly blames others when things go wrong. You might hear, “That was not my doing, somebody else made a mistake. You want a problem solver, not an arrogant pass –the-bucker.
  3. Neglectful – Hard to get on the phone, or email not returned in a timely manner. You will be left in the cold, not knowing what is going on.
  4. Deceitful – If he/she gives you pie in the sky adages, such as, everything will be great. Especially if you know that is not true. They are just trying to appease you, not please you.

You are going through enough; you need a lawyer on your side. If you notice these signs from your attorney, find another one.

Before You Date

If you’re excited to start dating again post-divorce, you should be! There are tons of hot spots in Riverside and Orange County to meet other singles and it can be a great time. However, the game changed a bit (or more) since you were last single, and there are some things you need to be aware of. Have you heard of Tinder? All of the under-30’s have, and they’re probably using the app to date.

Here are some tips from HuffPost readers to help you keep up:

  • You know what you don’t want. Your last marriage showed you that. If you’re still unsure of what you DON’T want, you’re probably not ready to date again. Use dating as a time to figure out what you DO want.
  • Work on you first. If you still have emotional baggage form your divorce, you’re not ready. You should be able to talk about the split without it causing you to get upset.
  • Don’t cling. You may feel lonely and it could cause you to cling to the first halfway decent person you meet. This could lead to a quick ending because most people don’t like clingers, or it might lead you to picking a new unsuitable partner.
  • Ask lots of questions. The best way to get to know someone is to ask questions. You’ll know them by what they say and HOW they respond.
  • The first person you meet won’t be your next husband. Even the 10th may not be. Be patient. You’d rather spend many more years dating than go through another divorce 10 years later.
  • Online dating takes thick skin. You will message people who will never respond. You’ll talk to someone and then he/she will suddenly decide to stop talking to you. People say hurtful things via the Web. Know what you’re getting yourself into.

Best Place in the World to be a Mother-& the Worst

Mother’s Day is coming up on May 11th, and in preparation the Save the Children organization disclosed its 15th Annual State of the World’s Mothers global report. This report gathers information on women and children in 178 different countries, and includes a Mother’s Index which ranks them in order of best and worst places to be a mother.

Ranking was based on factors including infant mortality rate, gross national income per capital, maternal death rates, and percentage of women involved in politics. The United States didn’t crack the top ten this year, landing at number 31. The U.S. has fallen significantly from number 30 in 2013, and number 25 in 2012. This decrease in the rankings can be boiled down to a few major factors, such as mother and infant death rates, and percentage of women in politics.

Taking a look at the top ten places to be a mother, it’s easy to deduce where the U.S. falls short. Finland takes first place, followed by Norway and Sweden. Scandinavian countries dominated the rankings due in part to their maternal death rate; less than 1 in 12,000 women are affected by maternal death, while women in America face a 1 in 2,400 chance of dying due to pregnancy related causes. This could be attributed to American women dealing with more high-risk pregnancies, because of more cases of hypertension and obesity.

In addition, American children under the age of 5 face a 7.1 in 1,000 risk of death, while the under-5 mortality rate in Finland is only 1 in 345. Statistically speaking, an American child is three times more likely to die before their fifth birthday than a child living in country from the top 3. The rest of the top ten in descending order are Iceland, Netherlands, Denmark, Spain, Germany, Australia, and Belgium. These countries succeed not only in child and maternal health, but also in education of women and response to emergencies and disasters.

Among the worst places to raise a child was Somalia, Democratic Republic of the Congo, and Niger. Majority of the countries in the bottom ten are in the middle of political conflict, which renders the areas unfit for raising children. Healthcare is also a factor in mother and child safety; many children and women die from diseases such as pneumonia, diarrhea, and malnutrition-conditions which are largely preventable.

As a result, the infant death rate in Somalia is 1 in 7, while 1 in 16 women die due to pregnancy related causes. However, all hope is not lost for these countries. Last year, the worst place to be a mother was Afghanistan, but after providing education for female citizens the country rose 30 spots in the ranking and after providing women and children with basic health care, Nepal increased 60 places in the rankings. Bettering mother and child living conditions in these countries seems to rely on improving education and health care for women.

Is One Spouse Required to Take the Other's Surname?

When a couple gets officially married, you are probably used to seeing the woman take her new husband’s surname. And when that occurs, some of you are probably wondering, is that a required thing to do?

The answer to that question is, no. Women are entitled to their maiden name. However, it is generally a tradition or custom to take on the husband’s surname.

Depending on the state you live in, there can be a statutory authority regarding name change upon marriage. In some states, the woman usually has several options. She can use her birth surname, her spouse’s surname, or a combination of both her surname and her spouse’s surname (which is generally hyphenated).

There are, however, a few states that won’t allow a woman those options. When she is married, she is essentially required as a wife to take her husband’s surname.

If a woman would like to take her spouse’s surname, it us not just an easy 1-2-3 step process. Again, depending on the state that you reside in, they will provide a name change procedure for you. Usually, an individual will be required to fill out an application or petition that will be filed with the courts.

The application will ask for general information such as: the legal name, the name the person wishes to take on, birthdate, age, etc. Name change applications generally take a while to be processed, but it is usually very rare that an application is denied. If you have legitimate reasons for wanting to do a name change, your request will likely be granted.

Now you all are probably wondering, what about a divorce? Do I get to keep my surname or do I have to go back to my maiden name? The answer to that question is, it is completely up to you. The woman has the choice of taking back her maiden name or keeping her married surname.

Protecting Kids From Combative Ex

Many people believe that a divorce will end the issues they had in their marriage and life will become easy. Unfortunately, many of those issues are still around if you’re co-parenting and many other issues car arise from trying to deal with your ex. If you’re dealing with a combative ex, you’re going to face challenges. But psychologist Sherrie Campbell offers these tips to deal with the situation:

  1. Brief Communication: keep your conversations with him/her factual and brief. Be thorough enough to communicate what you need to, but don’t be superficial or emotional.
  2. Don’t talk finances. Eliminate money talk with your children altogether. They don’t need to know those details and there’s rarely anything they can do about it, so keep that stress above their heads.
  3. Privacy: try to communicate via email. Keep your lives separate and keep your children away from someone that may be emotionally harmful to them.
  4. Respecting schedules: stick to the custodial schedule. Try not to switch weekends or ask your ex for a “favor.” You don’t want to owe him/her anything and you want your kids to have consistency.
  5. Remove tension for the kids: If you and your ex can’t be in the same room without drama, don’t go. Or figure out a way to support your kids to the best of your ability without high-tension environments.
  6. You do you. Worry about your own life and let your ex be free to live as he/she wishes. Mind your own business but mindful or your child’s emotions.

About Dayn Holstrom

Dayn Holstrom is a hard working, compassionate problem solver who welcomes the opportunity to serve you in any way he can. His maximum availability to your questions and concerns begins with your free initial consultation. He is well-seasoned in all matters related to family law and a skilled negotiator and litigator.

Planning for College as a Divorced Parent

Everyone is aware of how expensive colleges/universities are in Southern California, and even in Riverside/Corona, and there are many general self-help guides for parents to help plan. What about divorced parents? A recent article by Geoff Williams in Reuters discusses a few tips for divorced parents trying to plan for their child’s education. We share his tips below.

Childcare financial planning for divorced parents is a piece of cake compared to figuring out who will pay what in college. Here are a few tips for divorced or separated parents with kids that off to college:

  1. Negotiate college during the divorce. No one forgets custody schedules, spousal support, etc. when going through a divorce. But paying for college seems to be one thing many couples forget—and it’s not a small oversight. Some universities are $200,000+ for four years. That’s not the type of money you want to fight over a few years after your divorce has calmed down. Our attorneys will remind clients to discuss paying for college, but if yours don’t (like many), be sure to bring it up.
  2. Secure a college fund. If you’ve been saving for your child’s education, you need to ensure that those funds are only used for the education—and a divorce can make anything messy. Worst-case scenario (and it has happened)… your husband/wife could actually use that money to help pay for the attorney helping him/her divorce you. So be very careful and make sure the college funds are in accounts specified and out of reach.
  3. Discuss aid forms. The FAFSA will only need to know the income/information of the parent that child spends more time with, and that person’s current spouse if applicable. If a child splits time equally, he/she should fill out the form with the parent with the lower income. This will help your child earn more federal grant/loan money!

Splitting college funds is tough and it rarely works out perfectly even. Aim for “good,” not perfect. It usually isn’t worth fighting over if it’s reasonably fair.

About Dayn Holstrom

Dayn Holstrom is a hard working, compassionate problem solver who welcomes the opportunity to serve you in any way he can. His maximum availability to your questions and concerns begins with your free initial consultation. He is well-seasoned in all matters related to family law and a skilled negotiator and litigator.

Can I Keep My Airline Miles?

Reaching a divorce settlement agreement is mostly about dividing marital assets. After all, there’s the home, vehicles, bank accounts, stock portfolios, cash, art, etc.

And, then some of you who are in the process of getting a divorce might be wondering who gets certain marital assets like airline miles. This might seem a bit trivial, but it also can be important to those who fly frequently.

Some of you might think that something like airline miles seems trivial compared to other marital assets like real estate, bank accounts, stocks and bonds, furniture and vehicles. However, for those of you who spend a lot of time flying, those airline miles could really pay off and help you save money. Hundreds of thousands of frequent flyer miles can help contribute to numerous travel trips.

So, how exactly do the airline miles get sorted out? The first step you should take when attempting to divide airline miles is to check the rewards program’s terms and conditions. For example, some programs specifically state in their terms and conditions that points cannot be transferred from one spouse to another in a divorce settlement.

If this is the case, it may be wise to assign a value to the rewards points and then negotiate something of equal value. There may be other ways to divide the miles. Some programs provide cash outs for points, in which case you can collect the cash and then split it. Maybe you can see if the program will divide the points into two separate accounts.

When it comes to negotiating a divorce settlement, airline miles really do come down to money. Think this through completely; don’t be hasty about your decision. If you make a good financial move elsewhere, you might just find you can still take a special trip that you will enjoy.

If you’re going through a divorce and have questions regarding dividing your assets, including your frequent flyer miles, a family law attorney might be able to help you come to a divorce settlement that you can both agree to.

Contact the family law office of Holstrom, Sissung, Marks & Anderson, located in Orange, San Bernardino and Riverside Counties. We might be able to help you negotiate issues such as division of property, child custody, child support and spousal support in a more amicable manner than you would have otherwise.

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